Searching for Purpose (Twenty One Pilots)

22. Thanks

Tyler sat stiffly at the table. A plethora of plates filled with different kinds of food were spread out in front of him. To his right, his mother was engaged in a conversation with Mrs. Dun, and to his left his sister was laughing at a joke their father had just told. Across from Tyler, Josh was sitting in equal silence; the only difference between his and Tyler’s behavior was that Josh kept looking up from his plate to check on Tyler while Tyler kept his eyes cast downwards as he pushed his food around his plate.

Off in the distance, a question was asked and a familiar voice replied. It sounded muffled and confusing to Tyler’s ears. He was too lost in his own mind to pay attention to anything else.

“And you, Tyler?”

Tyler snapped out of his thoughts at the sound of his name. Everyone at the table had their eyes on him, causing his heart beat to speed up.

“Uhm,” Tyler mumbled.

“What do you want to do for the rest of your life?” Mrs. Dun asked.

I don’t know.

Tyler looked to Josh in a panic. This was the kind of question he was scared of.

“Tyler was telling me the other day how he knew a guy that was going into, uh, what was it again?” Josh spoke up. His eyes were locked with Tyler’s with a look that was telling him to lie.

“Technical theater,” Tyler mumbled.

“Yeah, that, and he said that it sounded pretty interesting, right?”

“Yeah.” Tyler’s eyes moved back down to his plate.

“Oh, well that sounds delightful!” Mrs. Dun replied.

Tyler gave a small kind of smile and forced himself to meet her eyes. She returned the smile and turned back to face Tyler’s mother and continue another conversation. Tyler’s heart was still beating way too fast to be healthy, but the look on Josh’s face told Tyler’s that everything was going to be okay and everything was okay.

After dinner, Josh and Tyler found themselves in the Dun’s backyard, sitting on the swing set that no one had bothered to ever take down. The outside air was cold, but not enough so that they needed more than a light jacket. Tyler’s heart rate had finally slowed down back to normal and a feeling of pride was spreading throughout him. He had made it through a day at his house and a dinner with another family. He felt invincible.

“You okay?” Josh asked.

“Yeah,” Tyler replied.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Good.”

Tyler nodded his head. His thoughts had been pretty loud the whole day, but for once he found it easier to ignore them. He thought it might have something to do with being near his family again, but that wasn’t enough evidence to convince him to move back closer to home.

“When I was younger, my dad used to play out here with me all the time,” Josh said after a few minutes of silence. “One time my mom called him in for some reason and he told me to wait, so I sat down on the grass and didn’t move an inch. I guess they thought that I would eventually come back inside when I realized that whatever they were doing was taking too long, but I stayed put for about two hours.”

Tyler laughed a bit. “Really?”

Josh smiled. “Yeah.”

“Why the sudden childhood stories?”

“Well, I know how pressured you feel at home and how you feel that everyone expects you to stay around here, but I just want you to know that sometimes it’s okay to leave,” Josh explained. “I mean, I wasted hours sitting in that one spot. I got nothing from it and I could have been doing so many other things, but I felt the need to stay. Maybe staying near home isn’t what you need, and that’s okay.”

Tyler thought about Josh’s words for a few seconds and then smiled. “How did you know I needed to hear that?”

“I can read minds,” Josh joked. “I don’t really know, I was just guessing. It seemed like you needed something.”

“Well, thanks.”

“Anytime.”

They spent another hour outside talking about cats and videogames until their parents called them in.

“It’s getting too cold out here!” Josh’s mother called.

“You two are going to get sick!” Tyler’s mother added.

The two trudged back inside and joined the others in the living room.  Stories from their parents’ college lives were buzzing through the air and laughter rang through the halls. Plans for the two boys to come back up during their winter break were made and phone numbers were swapped. It was a picture perfect holiday scene filled with smiling faces and genuinely kind words. Tyler had never felt so at peace with his own family and some complete strangers ever before.

When it was growing to be too late, the Joseph family piled into their car and drove back home. Tyler bid his family good night and headed up to his room. Reverting back to his old habits, Tyler grabbed an energy drink from the fridge on his way and pulled out his laptop.

He ended up filling ten pages in a new word document with complicated rhymes and his personal outlooks on life. When he was in the middle of mindlessly browsing the internet, Tyler’s eyes closed for the hundredth time, but this time they stayed shut.