Searching for Purpose (Twenty One Pilots)

20. Everything I Adore

It was cold outside, but not cold enough to deter the two friends from sitting outside on the patio to eat their breakfast. Everyone else who was staying at the Forest Inn had sat inside, but the noise of their laughs and hearty conversations flowed outside and reached Josh’s and Tyler’s ears.

“So you wanted to see if they had a hair place around here, right?” Tyler asked. He took another bite of bacon.

“Yeah, if you don’t mind. I figured that since we have some time I might as well get my hair done professionally and whatnot,” Josh replied.

“I don’t mind at all,” Tyler said. “You still gonna go for pink?”

Josh smiled. “You bet. Maybe even neon pink. Like a highlighter.”

“You would be the one who could pull it off,” Tyler laughed.

“I think you’re supposed to cut your hair, not pull it, but whatever floats your boat, man,” Josh joked.

Tyler laughed a bit harder. “Dork.”

“You know it.”

After they finished their breakfast, the two walked to the main street of the small town and looked in a few of the shops. Eventually they stumbled upon a place that said they would dye Josh’s hair for a low price. They were only a little shocked at his choice of color.

“Do you mind if I stop by next door for a moment? I wanted to see if there was anything I could get my mom,” Tyler asked Josh as the hairstylist prepared his station.

Josh looked around hesitantly and fiddled with his fingers. He seemed on edge.

“Or I could wait with you until you’re done,” Tyler added quickly. He knew that Josh was generally uncomfortable in new places surrounded by people he didn’t know. He had hidden away for the first few weeks of school and only really talked to other people when he absolutely needed to. Tyler, of course, hadn’t questioned it.

Josh broke out into a smile. “Yeah, if you could.”

Tyler smiled back. “No problem, dude.”

Tyler took a seat next to Josh’s chair and watched as the hairstylist bleached and then died Josh’s hair. For a moment Tyler was tempted to dye his hair as well, but he was unsure of how good he would look with bright purple hair. He would leave the dyeing to Josh.

When Josh’s hair was sufficiently pink, the two went to the small gift shop next door. In the Joseph family, there was a tradition that everyone bought a Christmas tree ornament and set them in the center of the table during Thanksgiving. No one was really sure of how it started, but they all did it. Tyler thought it was sweet.

“What about this one?” Tyler asked as he held up a delicate, silver reindeer. He had always wanted a reindeer as a pet when he was younger, but his parents were quick to tell him how unrealistic that would be. Surprisingly, they were more supportive of his dream to become a lion.

“I think that one’s pretty sick,” Josh commented. “I always wanted a reindeer as a pet.”

“Dude!” Tyler exclaimed. “Me too!”

Tyler ended up buying the small ornament for his mom. Josh bought something as well, but Tyler didn’t really know why he did. Who needed a rainbow dinosaur that sang the national anthem?

They ended up back at the inn, wandering around in the forest behind it. The trees were beautiful and the afternoon sun created intricate patterns all along the forest floor. Some of the trees were so thick that Tyler and Josh couldn’t wrap their arms around them all the way, even when they did it together. Tyler had never felt so peaceful before in his life, not even in his own tree house.

Josh shared Tyler’s wonder as they walked deeper and deeper into the forest. It was as if they were the first people in years to traverse back that deep. Not a single rock had been upturned before and small animals hid amongst the leaves as if they hadn’t ever seen a human in their life.

While walking around, Tyler’s eyes landed on a tree. The tree was tall and thick and looked to be older than any of the other trees that surrounded it. Its branches hung low to the ground; the perfect height to grab onto.

Tyler walked over to it with Josh not too far behind. It only took them about ten minutes to climb to a height that wasn’t too far up in the branches.

“Have you ever just like,” Tyler spoke out into the trees, “squinted your eyes and looked at what’s around you?”

Josh shook his head. He closed his eyes just enough so that his eyelashes blurred everything around the edges. Nothing seemed to be in focus and the rays of light became elongated and distorted the rest of what he saw. Josh had never thought to look at the world like this.

“Why does everything look all different?” Josh asked.

“Don’t know,” Tyler replied. They were barely speaking above a whisper. “But I find that when I look at things this way, afterwards I always see everything else differently. Like, I see the way I live my life and who I am and who other people are.”

Josh opened his eyes all the way and looked around. Tyler’s eyes were completely closed and he was sitting with his back against the trunk of the tree. For the first time in weeks Tyler looked relaxed. It was as if Josh could see every wave of anxiety melt off of him and fall away to the ground. He suddenly understood why Tyler preferred to sit alone sometimes in the middle of the trees.

They stayed in the tree for the remainder of the day; trading jokes and philosophical views as the sun slowly set. Josh had known that Tyler was poetic and quite funny, but never before had he been so moved by something a person said immediately after a fart joke.

When they got back to their room, Tyler collapsed onto his bed.

“You okay?” Josh asked.

“Yeah,” Tyler said. He didn’t feel a pang of guilt after he said that. He didn’t have to regret lying straight to Josh’s face. He didn’t even have to hide his face when he spoke. He was okay. He really was.