In the deep

Fight back or remember

Once again i don't fully follow the MCU according to the movies....

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     You were surprised at how much Bucky actually knew and remember but there were things he didn't want to remember and those were subjects that's you'd push onto for another time. Over the next few weeks you spent countless hours with him, earning his trust as he earned yours. So much so that you convinced Tony that moving Bucky out of that operating room and a real room would be beneficial. Though his real room had no windows and a locking steel door, it was a step up.

In the morning you'd have breakfast with Bucky and work on some memory exercises and then you'd work with Tony in the lab then you'd return to Bucky in the evening with his dinner. You made sure his room was fully stocked with books and crossword puzzles to keep him entertained and his mind moving. The worst thing for him was trapping him with his own thoughts. The brain was like a muscle and he needed to be using it.

You sat across from him on his bed playing chess like you and your mother use to do while he took bites of his sandwich. Even though Bucky swore he had never played before his mind was moving the pieces for him. His subconscious was working and guiding him.

"So you're really a Doctor?" Bucky moved a pawn up the board offensively. If you wanted to play to crush his ego you could have check mate in three moves.

"Yes, I'm really a Doctor. I told you B, i wouldn't lie to you." B is what you started to call him in your second session. Giving him a nickname from you other than Bucky was a way to create a personal attachment to him. A way to make him your friend. You moved you rook forward.

Bucky studied the board for a few minutes before moving his bishop. He was falling right into a check mate and he didn't even realize it but Bucky wasn't a very good defensive player. He wanted to take out as many pieces of yours as possible.

"Did you practice any of the exercises I gave you this morning?" You wanted Bucky to start remembering things on his own without your guided help. He was progressing rapidly but if he ever wanted to get out of this room you'd need to start pushing him.

"I did. I remembered that I hate spinach which is what they gave me in a salad for lunch." He joked as you moved you queen forward then glared at him. "I remember Steve, before the fall. When we were kids we were inseparable."

Getting Bucky to remember things before the fall was difficult, he could remember flashes of things but he couldn't string them together fully. He told you sometimes when he'd see them it was like it wasn't even him. It was like he was watching a movie of another persons life. Bucky moved his rook to try to get into position to attack your queen leaving his king defenseless.

"Do you want to see him?" You asked him. Bucky stared at the board but his mind was somewhere else. You could see the wheels turning. "B he isn't going to judge you or hold your past against you. He already knows about the bad parts."

Bucky wouldn't lift his head or acknowledge your question so you moved your bishop to block in his king. "Check mate."

"How do you always win?" He knocked his king over in defeat.

"Don't avoid the question B." Bucky stood abruptly from his seated position on the bed and began pacing the room.

"He expects me to be the old Bucky. I can't give that to him." Bucky ran his hand through his long dark hair in frustration.

Anytime the topic got switched to his past before the fall he got like this. He resisted remembering so much that it pained him. It pained you. You couldn't imagine going through what he did on a daily basis. Your mind was the most precious thing you had, if someone took that away from you- you couldn't even think about it, shoving the thought far away from your mind.