TripleEz is Coming

Down to Earth II/return of the inhibitor

Sunday

I am writing from 'London' in the 'United Kingdom' and here next to me is our newest recruit, a lovely monster named Matty. Say hello Matty: "Wait I haven't finished'

Ok. That's hello. Now I have something important to say. Well, you know yesterday's, um, excited update? IT WASN'T MY FAULT! That's important information for all of you. Fifi put something in my non leaded and I can't remember anything that happened. The base is completely trashed and the humans were still asleep when I came. Also, Ezila redrew her goatee but she may have done it in permanent marker. She was trying to wash it off the last time that I saw her.

So. London. I must say that being here has been an - enlightening - experience. I'm fairly sure that I saw TripleEz! However I was on the top of a big ferris wheel and I couldn't really see out so, you know, it wasn't exactly a confirmed sighting as such. We'll mark it down as one though! That's just protocol...

Anyhow. Big news, readers most wonderful. I, ZiziTheRobot - leader of the robot revolution and great bringer of news, have turned to a true God and master. Well, it isn't exactly a monotheistic religion, more duotheistic. I, and by extension the rest of the base, worship those two most great and mighty beings. In the pursuit of solace and shelter, love and acceptance, perfection and beauty. In the pursuit of all that is good and true and wonderful in this world I have turned to, to, to Benedict Cumberbatch's cheekbones! (when he's acting Sherlock, anyway!)

So I saw them when I was browsing a film library with Matty in an attempt to better understand the culture of this strange city and I saw, readers, I saw the light! Both everything and nothing flashed before me and it all was the most terrible and amazing thing possible. I felt overwhelmed. So did, it seemed, my circuits. It got slightly heated in there what with me short circuiting and starting an electrical fire and the manager attacking me with a foam spraying device but we escaped with our lives and our new religion!

By the way, we saw a bin smoking. Not sure if that's normal for you but we took a selfie with it just to show our bins that they are way too badly behaved. It really is not cool for bins to be snorting coke. They'll die an early death! They don't have lungs so my guess is that a cigarette can't hurt.

The buses down here are so cool! They are such rebels, I mean, they are actually bright red! If my paintwork was that colour I'd have been deemed irrisponsable years ago! I tried for an interview but unfortunately those anazing androids didn't reply. I felt kind of insulted but then I thought that they probably didn't get that I was a cybernetic entity just like them since our disguises were 100% foolproof so I decided to leave it.

Ok, fine. Matty says to write the truth. The bus's human carer came out and started yelling at me and called me mental. I felt so insulted. Apparently you aren't supposed to lie down in front of their wheels, which were really retro by the way, so that's something that you should keep in mind when visiting London. We also couldn't find anywhere that was willing to serve a cup of oil so you should bring a packed fuel break.

There's also an occupation going on at the moment - those pigeons whose quiz show was a few hours ago (just don't bother) managed to possess the prime minister at two thirty this morning so there've been a few small scale riots today. Some local government officials are apparently banding together to deal with it. The pigeons are in one hell load of trouble, though. It seems that some Martian rebel group was boomed in today and they're fairly grumpy seeing as a lot of careful preparation just went up the spout. The upside is that pigeon is going cheap at the Queble exotic meats market so go there today. They say that they're expecting a bulk delivery.

Basically, today isn't really a great day to head to Earth. Give the political system a week to calm down and all will be well. The Galactic Agency of Red Tape and Paperwork apologises for the mess and says that it will probably happen again but that time they'll be behind it to prove that they're still necessary. They then said to ignore the last part and that they were joking. They'd never
do a thing like that - check the small print. They then hung up, leaving Rabies (who doesn't understand Uranium (not the element)) feeling very confused and still down a leg.

Come to London but just, you know, wait a few weeks. It's a bit politically fraught there at the moment!

Hail the Robocalypse!

ZiziTheRobot

Monday

So first things first. New update system. You'll get the hang of it or it'll get the hang of you. Either way it isn't this precious and perfect robot's problem. That's the first and least most important thing. Second thing is that the moles are still going with that stupid bit of legal mumbo jumbo and they just won't shut up! They've even raised the stakes based on the murder of the lawyers that they sent here. We didn't murder them. Blowing them up isn't murder. Not that they didn't die but there is a fine but very important distinction. That being that one is less dramatic. Second least important thing is done. Also, all pens on base have decided to follow General Morris's pen's example and have declared Thursdays pen strike day. No pens will be working on that day and also they might start spraying ink. Not working can get a little dull. Third thing done.

Fourth. Well, Dubh came to me in a shower of light last night but it might have just been my overactive imagination. Whatever happened she looked a little grumpy. It was weird seeing a grumpy robot. That is all of the major notifications but I am thrilled, readers! Robot Codrii just got back from his trip to who knows (or cares) where and in a few short hours I will have my emotional inhibitor back! I almost feel happy now.

It has been an interesting few weeks without it. I've been thrilled, excited, confused, happy, sad, angry, scared... a real roller coaster but I will be glad to feel it back in my neck where it should always have been. It also means that I will be able to return to my work with the professionalism that I have always demonstrated in my fourteen Earth years of existence. It'll be good to be back to normal and I think that deep where my emotions are buried I will be, well, happier. It also means that unfortunate incidents like the mirror won't be approached with so much ridiculous feeling invested in them but instead with my typical relaxed and uncaring outlook. It will be so much more efficient!

Mysterious Ezila still hasn't got rid of her goatee, by the way, and I will miss being able to laugh at it. It has been fun at times, I suppose. Weighing that up against the sheer terror and the feeling of weakness and all of that negative I'm going with the suppressant. It also means that I get to laugh in the face of danger and then blow it up without so much as starting to spark! Upsides, upsides, upsides. Hopefully ghostly Dubh thing will be happy to see me back to the way that I should be.

On that note, if it isn't Dubh who has been appearing to me but instead someone (or thing) violating her creator's copyright then I will find you and if I still care at that point I will point the moles in your general direction and I will laugh at how utterly and ridiculously pathetic you are. Or I will just not be bothered to do anything about it! I am thrilled! This might be the last time that I'm thrilled ever! 

So exciting. I'll let you know how it went on Wednesday, although we might have a bonus update tomorrow for a very special and very surprising birthday. As in, I'm in shock. I'm never in shock. See? Emotions make you shocked!

Hail the Robocalypse!

ZiziTheRobot