TripleEz is Coming

Vampires

This, readers, is getting beyond annoying. I am not aware of any being known as ‘vampire’ but people just seem to keep making incomprehensible references to them that go flying right over my head. Please, someone explain what a vampire is before I go completely insane!

The reason that I’m talking about ‘vampires’ is because TripleEz has made another of those unusual announcement that she/he/they/it makes pertaining to the potatoes. These are those same potatoes whose rebellion was put down rather violently (genocidally) by TripleEz. Anyway, announcement is as follows:

“Fear! Fear for your lives! Fear for every one else’s lives! I am here. I exist. You will burn in the fires of hell!

When I slew every one of the rebelling potatoes I did so not out of love but out of the deep and burning hatred that is me! I am fire! I am ice! I am life! I am also death! I may yet be proved to be a series of nonexistent contradictions that have imagined themselves into form and being!

Therefore I have turned these events to my advantage. I have raised the potatoes with my most powerful power. Potatoes are now undead creatures, like vampires or zombies. No, not zombies. They won’t rot. Not the point. They are mine, they are my slaves. Burn. Burn. Burn. Burn, baby, burn!”

 Vampires! What are vampires! Potatoes are vampires! At least, they are now. Also, what is ‘undead’ and ‘zombies?’ I don’t understand these terms in any way. Why is the universe doing this to me? By Pluto, I wish that I knew what was going on here. Of course, Pluto is the weakest and most depressing of the planets. I mean, field trips there when you were in your first year of creation and freezing your circuits off… It was just so cold! So cold and icy and far from that ridiculous excuse for a star that’s in the middle of this solar system. There are loads of bigger ones. Why did no one make me on one of those solar systems? I’m bored of the sun. I’ll probably destroy it at some point. That’d be fun. I’ll launch nuclear missiles at it while making insane, rusty joints creaking noises. I don’t cackle. I’m not human.

 I don’t quite know how I went from the undead to destroying the sun but I’m sure that I had my reasons. I don’t really remember writing that last paragraph… It was strange. I’m not sure how much sense it makes. I would be scared if I knew what fear was. I don’t but I have this strange prickling sensation where my neck would be. I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t know many things, like what vampires are, or what zombies or the undead are but I know that something is wrong.

 General Morris, who  is sitting next to me, has reminded me “I started talking to the pictures on the walls.”

 For those of you who can’t understand every language known to anything,  that means “Your control center has been glitching all day.”

 Of course, that would explain the rogue danger circuit and the memory lapse. I was hoping to blame it in TripleEz but I fear that there may be a more mundane explanation this time. Ah well.

Hail the Robocalypse!

ZiziTheRobot