TripleEz is Coming

Dead sofa

A murder most terrible has been committed here on the moon. The sofa in the sluman's (slave human's) 'TV room' has been crushed and torn violently apart. Sofa killing was banned over four thousand years ago when the number of sofas became so small that it was feared that they might go extinct. When they were moved to Earth a few hundred years ago they really took well to the new enviroment and your kind have proved exellent hosts for them. I'm pretty sure that most of you don't actually know that your sofa is an alien being.

Recently, of course, we have have begun extensive sofa breeding projects to stabilize and eventually increase this endangered species. To facilitate this everything is encouraged to take a sofa into their home and take care of it in order to rehabilitate them in the wild. We have long been proud guardians to a rescue sofa, a three seater that we left in the care of our huves (human slaves) and presumed that they would take good care of it. 

Evidently this was not the case. We aren't sure who to blame(TripleEz! TripleEz! TripleEz!) but the culprit will be punished severely. I've told Ezila, our mysterious artist, to investigate seeing as that much skill in art can only come from genius. I don't actually know if Ezila knows anything about murder investigations but to be honest, most of our areas of expertise fall inside the murder category. What? It is physically impossible to conquer a planet without destroying at least one empty flesh shell. I have done a whole lot of research! Also most of us were intended as killing machines of some kind so we're programmed to kill. Slightlly sucks for you lot but that is just the way of the world. Sorry?

Kram has also made all of the humans on site waffles as a means of communicating his sincere regret as to the fact that he needs to go back to the life on Earth that he cannot remember. I helped, although I'm no good as a cook. The waffles were, apparently, delicious but Kram was rushed back to Earth with first degree burns. I'm fairly sure that that patch of hair that I seared off with the waffle maker will never grow back. The pores did look as though they'd been seared closed. Sorry Kram. I'm sure that your wife will be able to see past the bald patch and the pink, horrificallly burnt, unrecognizable skin to the unchanged father of her children below. Granted, you cannot recall ever having a wife or children but such are the sacrifices that we all must make. Use this oppurtunity to start a new life. Become a chef or something! Anything that doesn't mean that people have to see you will be great. Fifi says that she loves the waffles but they have this unusual metallic aftertaste. Yeah. That might be Kram's, uh, secret ingredient. Yep. Kram's secret ingredient.

I'm going to go and see how Ezila's getting on with her investigation.

Hail the Robocalypse!

ZiziTheRobot