TripleEz is Coming

The potato rebellion

In previous reports we indicated that potatoes were lovely and sweet creatures who it was morally wrong to eat and that humanity were being monsters by consuming them. I regret to inform you that we were wrong, that we were so terribly, terribly wrong. They are rebelling as a result of TripleEz’s actions. The potatoes are fighting back. We would probably be on their side if it weren’t for the fact that we are busy planning our own invasion of your world and it gets a lot harder when you’re the revolution against the revolution. People might think that we were invading for them and not for us. We don’t really care that much about you. Not that we want you to die; we warned you about TripleEz after all but we only want you alive to be able to conquer and subdue you. It’s not personal, it’s just programming.

 Anyway, the potatoes are probably planning to do something unspeakably horrible to any of you they capture. There have already been numerous deaths among the farming community and around twenty others are missing. If this causes a famine we’re sorry. Hopefully those farmers that remain will be able to cater to all of you. Hey, we don’t eat potato. We’ll be fine. Oh, and Walkers’ crisps, Pringles and Hula Hoops have not taken part in this uprising. TripleEz has not been seen but his/her/it’s/their agent has said that he/she/they/it fully supports this uprising and wishes that its now slightly stale cousin would participate and be destroyed when the rebellion is put down by the force of humanity. TripleEz did not mean to start a rebellion but will feel no guilt for the loss of life as long as their/his/her/its least favorite family member’s life is included in those lost.

 I’m actually really annoyed about this. Seriously, you ridiculous roots – stealing the limelight much? We were the ones who campaigned for people to be nice to you and this is how you repay us? We’re rescinding all previous gestures of support and now none of them should be taken as sincere. There are no potatoes on the moon so we can’t actually do anything more to warn you off but we encourage readers to eat potatoes. Yes, they are strange but they are good for you. People who eat over 200 potatoes an hour for a day might receive a little present from IUP and IUP give the best presents. Yes. IUP – the Institution for Unicorn Protection/Prevention. A reminder, don’t trust unicorns.

 The list of TripleEz’s crimes keep going up. They/he/it/she are a force of pure evil: it/he/she/they killed twelve people for watching a race… she/he/they/it stole a unicorn… it/they/he/she resisted arrest by disappearing before it/he/she/they could be told that they were under arrest… it/she/they/he started a rebellion by making a statement that was interpreted as being a gesture of friendship towards potatoes then saying that it wasn’t a gesture of friendship towards potatoes and then making the potatoes unhappy.

 Be careful around potatoes, my dear readers. Let us know if you see any,

 Hail the robocalypse!

 ZiziTheRobot