TripleEz is Coming

Stuff that isn't real

The word triangle. The true name of the things known as triangles is spiky three point things. To all of you who live on base, using the word that I just mentioned is now illegal.

Cassettes. They were a lie all along.

The universe. Come on people. This is basic stuff.

You. You are a figment of my overactive imagination and as such are false. I'm going to stop imagining you and you will die.

Mermaids. Wait. You thought that mermaids were real. You honestly thought... Oh my circuits!

Father Christmas. Is actually a nihilist called Paul who wants to make every Christmas the best one ever because it'll probably be the last.

The tooth fairy. The girlfriend of the nihilist called Paul. Her name's actually Sue and she's a rhinoceros. She collects old teeth to make fake teeth for her elderly parents.

The human who can only say the word 'pole'. I poked him with a needle and he didn't react. Might be because he, like all other humans on base, is comatose but I don't believe in him.

Uranus. It wanted to get into the Guinness book of world records by being the first planet that doesn't actually exist. The reason that it isn't in there is because as something that isn't real it is therefore ineligible. Sorry, Uranus.

Labels. You are hallucinating. You are all dreaming. Labels are a lie. Everything is a lie. Actually, most things are a lie. Not everything. Most things.

Violet. It's actually lilac.

Lilac. It's actually violet.

This Wattpad story. Well, duh.

Strawberries. Raspberries are, however, an actual thing. I know right!

Dogs. No. Dogs aren't real. Sorry about that one.

The door knob of the outside of bathroom doors. Unfortunately so. I'm telling the truth here. All other doorknobs do seem to exist so that is definitely a plus. Just not the outside ones on bathroom doors.

Greece. It might exist but we don't think that it does. Actually, Greece exists. Wales doesn't. The Welsh do, they just don't live in Wales. Wales is a figment of their collective imagination.

Books. Well, not anymore. They all spontaneously combusted over the weekend. If anyone has a book that dog over there is spying on you.

Sorry. We made a mistake in an earlier point. That dog over there is the only dog that actually exists. There might be others but that's the only one who's existence we've confirmed.

Giant statues of fish. They're all real living fish so they technically don't exist. It's complicated.

Pillows decorated with treble clefs. Sorry to all you musicians.

Treble clefs. Sorry again, to all you musicians.

Music with treble clefs on it. Once more, sorry to all you musicians.

Instruments that use the treble clef. You aren't technically musicians anymore so I don't need to say sorry!

TripleEz. Nope. That one's wrong. TripleEz does exist. Sorry for giving you readers false hope. We haven't left the dark yet. I know, it sucks.

Hopefully this list is useful to someone. Also, this list is on the list so...

Hail the Robocalypse!

ZiziTheRobot