Imperfect | est. 2015

16. The Lucky Ones

I sat in my living room while my grandpa was watching TV in his bedroom. My grandmother was home and healthy, just exhausted. She hadn't left the rocking chair in the reck-room since she's been back.
So the three of us talked quietly in order to let the both of them relax.
I stared at the two of them, while Addison was clueless that I knew. She was sitting next to Connor on the sofa in front of me, feeling the bruise begin to show on her check from where Anthony's fist had hit.
I wasn't going to put any more weight on her shoulders. She was still mortified.
But I gave them both a lifted eyebrow.
Connor had his eyes locked on me... as if he pitied my cluelessness. And I was almost too frustrated to speak to him.
So I gave the focus to Addison, "I'm sorry that it didn't work the way you wanted it to..." I tell her.
She sniffs and used her thumb to rub the bottom of her nose, "No. It's fine. I actually feel a lot better."
"You do?"
"I do," she sighs, "even if he got away with hitting me again... and... how he spoke to me... I'm sure that whatever I said will make a difference somehow... but even if it doesn't, I feel better... I do."

I lifted one corner of my mouth to ease up the situation. A half smile.
Then I made my way toward her so I could give her a hug.
She deserved it.
Even if I didn't want to step near either of them.
She was so uplifted and happy just the other day... and whatever we put her through was dragging her down.

She set her forehead on my shoulder and had shaky breaths, and I could see Connor watching the moment with concern.

"I'm kinda glad you got to swing at him a couple times," I laughed, "that douche bag deserves everything you said."

She sighs, letting my comment pass, "He knows about my family... he said he knows why my family doesn't care about me."

"He doesn't know that..." Connor speaks up, "He just needed to say something to finish the fight. But your family loves you, Addison."

She sniffed again and sits up, so I sat on the floor in front of them, "Then why haven't they called?" She asked, "why did they let me go off with a couple of strangers and they didn't even bother to check if I was okay."

Connor and I stared at the floor... we had nothing to say.

"I mean," she swallowed, "doesn't a normal parent call the police? Or worry about their child who's gone missing? How could they be so careless?"

Connor was about to say something... but she cut him off, "They don't love me... and I know that now."

That's when Connor didn't let her interrupt, "Nobody... would meet a girl like you and not love you."

Her eyes watered up but she didn't look at him. She was looking at the wall while I watched her face grow pale. Only she was hiding a smile.

He went on, "You are absolutely extraordinary."

I couldn't help it... after that, I was tired of them having romantic moments. Some form of jealous hit me like a wave and I stood up, "And I'm guessing that's why you kissed her?"

He looks up at me, suddenly lowering his shoulders.

"And why she kissed you in that elevator?"

Then she looks up. Two sets of innocently damaged eyes were staring me down while I had all this unnecessary anger.

Addison whispered, "I don't know what you're talking abou--"

Then, I was the jerk who interrupted the sentences, "Don't try and lie to me... I know what you did."

I looked specifically toward Connor... who had his hands folded in anxiousness.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I ask him.

He tousled his own messy hair and sighed, longingly, "I did tell you. I just waited... I just thought about it first. It wasn't a big deal... it isn't a big deal."

I paused, dominantly folding my arms and staring down at them, "And what about Tyler? Are you going to tell me about him?"

Connor had all these emotions crossing his face, I couldn't tell which one he was trying to show, "I can't..." He murmured.

"I thought so." I said, letting my arms fall and I quickly made my way away from them and up the stairs.

There were things about Connor that I'd processed on my way to my bedroom alone.

One would be, Connor was the lucky one. Connor had no trouble with his life. He had nothing to be afraid of. He had a full family that loved him and his only fear was a chunk of machinery.

I, however, have no parents. My family died right in front of me.
And what I have left of my family is slowly dying before I'm ready to even imagine it.

Soon, I would have no one. Just Connor.
Just Addison.

But even with them... I felt like the two of them keeping secrets from me was betraying.

And if I thought about it that way... I was alone...

Addison was alone too...

but no.

Connor Anthony was the lucky one. He always was.
And even then, he always had something to be sad about... but that was my fault. I would drag him into my panic attacks and he would be the only shoulder I had to cry on.

It was too much pressure for him. I knew that.

****

I sat on the edge of my bed and stared out the window... the little view of the tops of that little town was just pleasant enough to calm me down.

...Thousands of things on my mind...

And for some reason, Connor Anthony was propped on top of all it.