Imperfect | est. 2015

48. Afterwards

As soon as Addison showed up, she could only stare at me for a moment- blankly. As if she had nothing to say to me, but at the same time, she had so much to say. Another look that I was too clueless to recognize.
Then, without taking a moment to just say 'hi' to her, I threw my arms around her shoulders and hugged her, whether she wanted me to or not. I couldn't look her in the eyes while she would already have tears swelling in them. I couldn't see anyone else crying that summer. There was too much of it.
"Welcome back, A-Master." I laughed, still having all the sympathy in my voice while I cracked something sarcastic.
"Hey," she muttered.
Her loud and positive personally was diving down to where I'd never seen it before. She was sulking- even if the way she was hugging me back. Proof that somebody couldn't handle something on their own, was when their personality was even starting to plateau.
The night before, I told Connor all about the things Addison told me. When he was awake, was at the time when he could completely process the details, but when he was shown by the front door, with my back faced to it- Addison let go of me and sat up straight.
Just the person she wanted to see.

She runs up to him, desperate to hear his voice again as if he died and came back to life. I understood that though, Addison was always closer with Connor than she'd ever be with me.
He smiled, but glanced up at me from over her shoulder. His messy, yet adorable, morning hair was falling in front of his eyebrows while he held onto her tightly. She just needed a hug.
But with my arms folded and how I was staring at them, I assumed Connor was picking up a false message that I was jealous of the situation. He cleared his throat, holding Addison's arms at both her sides and just looked her in the eyes- this way he could just do his natural sympathetic conversation, "How are you feeling?" He asked, gesturing to her emotional state and not how stiffly and swollen her face looked.
With how empathetic Connor was, half the time, his expression would nearly perfectly reflect what the person in front of him looked like. Whether it was near-tears, anger or filled with an obnoxious amount of child-like excitement- he was the emotional mirror.
So, I could tell by only being able to see the back of Addison's head and his face- that she was probably near tears before she answered his question, "I don't know," was all I could hear her say.
The way she would guilt-trip somebody with her eyes, was as if she was compelling them to feel the same way as her. And hell, that was the last thing I want her to do to Connor.

So, I cut into it, "Can we talk about this inside? It's kinda hot out here."
It wasn't, really. I was just trying to break the eye contact between the two of them.
I didn't even know why I was being so obnoxious about it though- I wasn't jealous. I would never be jealous of Addison Woodley. She was just a good friend of mine- who had feelings for my boyfriend. To me, that was only the slightest bit threatening, but I would get over it. I think.

When we'd gotten inside, Addison's arms and posture was already stiff- showing that she was either uncomfortable, or waiting to say something on her mind.
So, I spared her the stress, "Out with it." I said, bluntly. She only had to glance at me for a second, then she was already prepared to spill, "I'm just sorry."
"Sorry for what, exactly?" I already knew the answer, I just wanted to hear it... but by then, I was the one who sounded like a bitch. Was I really being that immature? I'd never had a relationship before and I was already going to blow it.
Her rolled her shoulders back, uneasily- drawing her eye contact away from mine. She even looked exhausted by whatever was on her mind. Her face was drooping, she wasn't wearing her girly makeup and glittery bronzer on her cheeks. She wasn't wearing her ring-flower crowns that made her short-cut blonde hair look blonde and summery- regardless of whatever time of the year she chose to wear it. She just looked tired, "I'm sorry for being so selfish. It was stupid."
"Selfish about what?" By then, I was just practically asking for her to yell at me. I didn't think, nor did I believe that I could actually get her to be angry with me. But I was wrong about one thing, "For having feelings for Connor. Obviously, there was no way, in hell, that he would've ever had feelings for me- he's fallen head-over-heels for you since you were old enough to realize what love even is."
I lifted an eyebrow, not understanding why she didn't feel awkward spilling her feelings while Connor stood right beside the both of us. By then, he was distancing himself and trying to make it look like he wasn't listening- but by the time Addison continued, she was already fired up, "Look, if it wasn't for Tyler- I would've had no other friend to stay with until I met you guys. I wouldn't have even gone to the carnival and ran into you two if it wasn't for Tyler. He may have been a big-headed asshole, but he listened to me. And then I had Connor, once Tyler started acting up. And Connor was the one who listened to me."
"Well, what about me, huh?" I stepped closer, not knowing why I felt the need to start all the drama, "I listened to you. I was always there for you."
"But you stabbed me in the back!"
"How?!"
The two of us were eye-to-eye infuriated. I could've just pictured how Connor was reacting to it from the kitchen, where he'd escaped to pretend to get a glass of water.
"You knew I had feelings for him,"
I threw my arm straight out in front of me to signal that I was fighting for my point, "You were the one who wanted him to tell me his 'big secret'. And you always said how 'cute of a couple' we would be. Why would you draw a line like that, if you didn't want it to happen?"
"Because, all that mattered to me is that he finally got what he wanted." Her voice cut off, as if the half-screaming tension between us had just stopped. And I thought about her last line just for a moment. She looked completely vulnerable, with her hand on her arm. She stepped back, lowering her head a little. That was her white flag.
She spoke up again, but much quieter. She was no longer trying to fight every word that I said, "every time we all made a wish on a stupid star- Connor would always wish for the same thing. I know that they were supposed to be kept a secret- but Connor told me his wish. It was his one and only wish."
And I just stood straighter, trying to look less lost.
"You were his wish, Skylar," she tells me, "I didn't want to jeopardize that- but I did. and I'm sorry."
Then, my first response was to look up at Connor. He had his eyes on mine and his head was down. He looked almost disappointed about something. I didn't know what he would be upset about, though. It was probably just the first time he'd seen me that angry since the fist-fight I got caught up in with Grace Miller last summer.
"I was your wish?" I asked, verifying the fact that'd just been given. I stared at how vulnerably he stood there. His arms were folded and once he lifted his eyes from the ground to look up at me again, he smiled- just barely.
I was his wish.