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Stop asking me to trust you, While I'm still coughing up the water from the last time you let me drown.
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I miss how we knew what each other wanted before it was even voiced. How we could tell what the other was thinking, what was wrong, what was okay. Everything. I miss how we were. How we collided and just worked. You don't though, so I am just going to have to live with it. But I don't want to.
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I am the good girl that turned into a bitch. I literally am. I was always nice, I had a few good friends and life was good. Then I got older and people were just mean, and I guess subconsciously I picked that up. And now I am a bitch.
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I don't like to talk. That's it. Simple. I don't want to speak. I once was talking, and then realized no one was listening. So why should I speak up now?
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You shattered me, like I tore apart our pictures. The thing is, I regretted tearing apart our pictures, While you didn't shed a tear about us. I loved you with my whole being, and you used me.
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I'm sorry I was only able to give you a dimly lit star when you deserved the light of a thousand vibrant suns. I'm even more sorry that you realized it before I did.
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I want to just get through high school and college so I can live out my lone miserable life by myself. But that also scares me to death. I don't want to have to rely on myself for food and rent, because the world is scary, and I don't want to be forced into it. But otherwise, how will I be able to be alone?
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The difference between 'love you' and 'I love you' is so profound.
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That feeling of when you're in a group of friends, But you're not really In that group of friends. Yeah, I had that feeling all the time. Until I took it upon myself to just leave, to walk away. And they didn't even Notice I was gone.
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Don't get me wrong, this world is beautiful but the people are sick. And I wasn't lying you know... when I said you meant the world to me. And to be honest, a world without you is not one that I would want to live in. So since your gone, and the people here are ugly, there just doesn't seem to be a reason for me to stay anymore.
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You don't know how much it sucks to not have friends, until you're forced to sit in a cafeteria cause there's no where else you can go, and to have people stare at you as you sit alone. By yourself. At a huge table. An obvious loner. It sucks.
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I went up to this girl I thought was pretty, and I told her. She smiled but then make eye contact with me she scoffed and walked away, Like I was scum on the bottom of her shoe.
What I felt in that moment, I feel it at least twice everyday. So what's the point? To go on when no one really wants me here?
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Cry me a river, Cause I'm a dried up fucking abyss.
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I have never loved myself. But you, oh god I loved you so much. I forgot what hating myself felt like.
But now you're gone. And now I remember...And it doesn't feel good. Not one bit.
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I let you become my happiness, and that's where I went wrong.
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Growth is painful. Change is painful. But nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don't belong. I don't belong anywhere, and that's really painful.
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Everything is blurry but the feelings are real.
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Reading, and crying so much you can't see the words anymore.
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Unlike you, I meant everything I said.
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How to murder someone: Tell them you love them and never speak to them again. After all that is how you killed me.
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I hate you for making me hate me.
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I fucking trusted you and you threw it away.
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Don't you dare tell me I'm perfect if I'm not good enough to make you stay.
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The thought of you repulses me and pulls me in all at the same time, and I can't get my head on straight because of you.
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I'm ashamed of myself because I know I should be better and I have no Idea how to get there.
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If you cared about me so fucking much why'd you let me get so hurt?
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Oh, I'm a mess right now, Inside out.
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I'm tired. Physically, Emotionally, Socially, and Mentally. I'm just tired.
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There is nothing here for me anymore, so why am I forced to stay?
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I think about you, but I don't say it anymore.
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Everyone says 'She's afraid of letting people in, because she got hurt once' Like it was nothing. Well you know what? Fuck Them.
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It's been six months. Six months ago I loved you, and I knew that you weren't really as loved up as you said you were. I knew you didn't like me as much as you used to. And I also knew that you quiet frequently talked to one of my best friends. I knew that you planned to break up with me. But there was a little shred of hope that I had that kept me from talking to you about it. I hoped that you really weren't planning to break up with me. And that you were going to try and make our relashionship work. I didn't realize then, how wrong I was. You broke it off, over text. And I cried so much. You couldn't even Imagine. I lost a piece of myself among the tears, headaches, and heartaches. I lost myself, and I never found myself again. I am permanently damaged and theres nothing I can do. What shocked me the most afterwards, was how much it hurt. I secretly, deep down knew it was going to happen, But I didn't realize how much it was going to hurt. 'I didn't realize it was going to hurt this much.' Where my exact words, to my crying mother. I was crying so much, and I don't cry infront of people, I never cried when my Aunt died. But when this happened, I changed. And I just wanted to tell someone, and instead of burdening someone I decided to just write it out. You know how people say your first love will always stay with you? Well, I can't get over how much of a fool I was, But I will never make the same mistake again.
Thanks for reading this. That last bit , it kinda just happened. I didn't really plan it, It just came out. Sorry,
