Remember My Voice (Reader X Levi)

Chapter 9 - One Step Closer

"You really think these cannons are gonna be powerful enough to stop them?" Jean and I were at the top of the wall, working on loading one of the cannons that were designed to stop, possibly even kill titans. Jean was still not convinced, to be honest I wasn't sure if I quite was either, but I couldn't afford to be so negative. "I guess we won't know until we try right?" I answered giving him a small smile of reassurance. He gave a slight smile back and looked down towards the titans who were scratching at the wall. 

"It's not like they're not giving us plenty of time to test things out I suppose, They're kind of pathetic really. I stopped what I was doing and stared straight ahead, remembering the memory of seeing my mother being eaten by a titan. I squeezed my eyes shut and pressed my lips together into a thin line, urging myself not to cry. "Hey, (Y/N)" Jean started to lift his hand towards my shoulder "Don't" I bluntly said before he got the chance to touch me. I open my eyes and looked down with a sigh. "Did I strike a nerve? I'm sorry (Y/N) I didn't mean it. Just my way of coping I guess" Jean awkwardly laughed while apologising. I took a deep breath and decided it was about time I told him. "I guess I never told you about this but my memories from when Shiganshina was overrun are completely gone." I kept looking down at the cannon we were working on as I told him, but I knew he was watching me as I  spoke so I continued. "I basically disappeared for 2 years, until one day Armin found me wandering around in a market and then took me home to Mikasa and Eren. I have no idea where I was for those 2 years" I now looked up at Jean and met his gaze. 

"I have flashbacks every once in a while but I could never piece anything together properly. I keep note of them in my journal-" I reached into the inner pocket where my journal normally was kept. It was gone. "Wha-where is it??" I stood up and started to panic and patted every single pocket I had. "It's gone??" Jean stood up next to me "I never see you without that thing, when did you last have it??" He started to look around  with me. "I'm not sure, I suppose it must have been last night at the-" I mentally slapped myself as I realised I must have dropped it at the clearing of the woods after I had finished running the course. "Shit" Jean mumbled under his breath. 

"Looking for this??" Hange came walking up to us waving my journal around in her hand. My eyes widened as I ran over to her, she was followed by Commander Erwin "S-section commander? Commander Erwin?" I stumbled a salute "Where did you get my journal?" I asked, still wanting to be polite but eager to get my journal back. "You dropped it (Y/N) when you finished that impressive run" I blushed slightly at the compliment coming from Erwin himself. "O-oh, well, can I have it back?" I asked slightly embarrassed. "Of course! As much as I have loved to be nosy, Commander Erwin thought it best to take the respectful approach and ask you first" Hange laughed as she handed back my journal. 

"So tell me dear" Hange brought her arm around my shoulder and brought her face VERY close to mine as I cowered away slightly. "What's in that journal of yours that's so important? I never see you without it" Her eyes twinkled as she asked. In all the excitement I had forgotten Jean was still stood by the cannon behind us, watching on with confusion clear in his face. "Uhm- Well" I started trying to come up with an excuse "Don't bother lying either, I'll know straight away" Hange backed away slightly smirking and closing her eyes". 

What's the harm in telling the truth right?

I took a deep breath "Well in that case, it's kind of a long story at this point" I scratched the back of my neck hoping they would drop it. "Excellent! Finish your work and come to my office as soon as possible!" Hange said excitedly turning to walk away. I stood there blank for a second until Erwin gently placed a hand on my lower back and lead me back to Jean. "Best to get it over with (Y/N) she's extremely curious" "Ah- yes Commander" I replied. I looked up at him and he smiled down at me, his blue eyes glistening in the sun. I wouldn't normally be bothered about finding someone so attractive, but was it weird if he was most likely at least 10 years older than me? 

Nah

I went back to Jean, a little shook, and decided now was a good time to quickly note down my dream. "Sorry, I never finished explaining but basically I had a dream last night and remembered almost everything from the day the wall was breached and I need to write it down so I don't forget" I wrote frantically and Jean peered over my shoulder as I wrote. When I had finished I handed it to him to read. He blinked rapidly and looked down and the journal in my hands. I pushed it further towards him and raised my eyebrows. "You wanna know or not?" I tilted my head to the side and grabbed onto Jeans hand myself to place the journal in it. 

"You really want me to read it? Are you sure (Y/N)?" Jean asked me wide eyes. 

"What? Of course why not? It's not like I have anything to hide" I smiled at his concern for my privacy. That was sweet of him. 

"Besides, a lot of it doesn't make much sense anyway apart from that bit of my dream I literally just wrote" I stood up, dusted myself off and went back to sorting out my side of the cannon as Jean sat beside me reading the journal. I didn't feel any sort of discomfort from anyone reading my journal to be honest. Like I said, it's not like I had anything to hide. Until only a matter of hours ago, my three closest friends knew more about my life than I did. 

I finished up the cannon and decided I should probably head to Hange's office. I turned back to Jean who seemed to be finished reading. "Are you done? I need to go to the Section Commanders office" I held out my hand for my journal back and Jean placed it in my hand. "(Y/N) I'm so sorry about your mother. I wouldn't have made that joke earlier if I had known" Jean placed a hand on your shoulder and squeezed it in a comforting way. I could only smile back. "The only thing I don't understand is why you have Hange and Levis names in here attached to certain things you've written?" Jean asked just as you were walking away. 

I stopped in my tracks and turned around to face him one more time. "I have a feeling it's something to do with why Hange wants to talk to me. For some reason certain flashbacks seem to be triggered by her and Levis voices." I smiled at him once more and made my way to the lift to take me back down to the bottom of the wall.