My life

Comeback

I'm starting my business soon 😘

Hi okay sorry I've been gone for over 2 months! I know some of you guys really like me venting about my life for some reason lol 🤷‍♀️

Soooo ummmm since last time I came on here it was 2020 🖕and I told myself once 2021 started I would really get my game on and lose weight hahaha I'm soo funny 🙃

I started going on birth control pills in mid December and recently it's been giving me depression 🙂 but it's like whatever ❤️ I kinda like it but then I hate it what's wrong with me?

So then I was binging a LOT for 2 weeks straight and that only made my self hatred go up and now I'm more insecure asf and my boyfriend likes being intimate with me and I do too and it's a big part of our relationship but it gets bad when he wants me to send him pictures 👀👀👀🙊

It's not like he's demanding and abusive about it but he's like 🥺👉👈❤️ and I tell him sorry because I'm just really insecure and hate my body and he knows but still asks because guys are really horny...?

He tells me I'm perfect and that I'm already skinny and I'm like a little huggable mini human and that I don't need to lose weight but his opinion of me doesn't change mine yk?? I still hate myself the same :(

Also hes been doing my school work for me because he's big brain 🧠 but recently he's been really busy with his school work so he can't do mine so my grades have been falling and my birth control only made it worse 😘

So I have an appointment soon to change the brand or I might change it to the birth control shot. I know it's not recommended for long so I figured if I do change from the pill to the shot then I'll just keep taking it until I'm 18 then get an arm implant or smth.

Ummm what else happened.... Oh I havnt weighed myself in like a month and I'm scared asf and I tell my boyfriend I wish I have an eating disorder but he said that I don't because it's really bad and I'll hate myself but I told him that I already hate myself soo much and wish I was dead soooo. Then he said I probably already do because eating disorders don't mean just purging and stuff yk?

He himself used to be like me and hate himself body image wise. He used to be I think it was 180lbs? When he was like 11??? Smth like that then he started fasting and losing weight then somehow he's 5"11 at age 13-14??? Then he weighed 155 and thought it was fine until he met me and when he met me he was "healthy" and eating well and working out lmao then fast forward 6 months and he's dating me and gained 20 pounds I- Then he started losing weight again like tell me how this mf lost 15 pounds in like 2 months?? I mean yeah realistically that's like formal lol but like bitch??? To me that's like a miracle! The most I've ever lost since I e been trying to lose weight was 10 pounds but that only took fucking 6 years.

Anyways 😅😅 I bought lingerie for his birthday last month but chickened out and got too insecure to wear it so I told myself I would lose 10-15 pounds by Valentine's Day and wear it but I'm soo fucking funny 😆 I probably gained 10 pounds ☹️ so I've been trying to fast for a week the past 2 days I've started and failed 🙃 then started again last night so it'll be a 5.5 day fast I believe 135 hours? I NEED to fast ☹️

I'm also writing this during class but I have no idea wtf is going on so no I will watch the last episode of stranger things 😁 I've been binging Netflix shows these past 2 weeks! I finished like 3 shows already with like 2 seasons minimum! I started stranger things like a week ago then started watching 2 other shows then binged season 3 yesterday and left off half way in the last episode! Excuse me now as I finish it!!!

I'll see you guys soon 🥺 I'll try to update weekly 🤓 I hope you guys are all doing better than me 🥺🥺🥺🥺❤️❤️❤️❤️ Lol the cover of this Wattpad is me at the movie theater btw. Should I change it? 👀👀👀👀

Oh yeah and I'm starting my business soon! Don't check it out lol.... unless 👀