My life

Binge monster

YOU GUYS BUT HOW CUTE ARE THESE PRESS ON NAILS 😍🤩✨💕 They were also $60 💸💸🥲 But worth it!

Anyways...! I started this diet where it's like a 30 day diet and goes from 850 calories and over the days lowers to like 400 calories. I'm on day 4 and so far a did good the first two days then binged the last two days 🙃 I'm gonna try to fast for 2 days to make up for it.

I'm going to California in a few days but I know I'm gonna gain like 5 pounds over the trip 😩

I feel soo insecure these days but also don't care but also like slay yessss. Like just me??! I feel like I'll never love myself even if I'm 90 pounds but maybe I will? I was a little confused with myself when I was 120-125 pounds because my morning skinny would make me feel happy about myself and I would wear pleated skirts and like a crop top and look kind of cute 👀✨ But now my stomach POURS and POKES out it's like okay I get it I'm fat 🙄

I weighed myself like 4-5 days ago to get a starting weight and ending weight for the diet I started and I weighed 143 pounds 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃 So now I'm just wondering how much I gained because of my binge yesterday and today. I counted my calories yesterday and it was over 2,000 almost 3,000 and today I had way to fucking much food that I can't remember everything I ate so I can't calculate how many calories correctly 🙂

I decided I want a BMI of like 15-17. I know "healthy" BMI is 18.5 but like no I will not weigh 110 pounds and be 5ft 1 because people who are 5ft 6 are 110 pounds and that's what I want to look like! So my goal weight is 100-85 lbs period.

You guys know the saying you can't loose all the weight in a few days because you didn't gain it in a few days? Fuck that I gained 20 pounds in 6 weeks so I will mother fucking loose that weight in 6 weeks or less 😤

I can tell I gained like 5 pounds on my thighs and like 5 on my stomach and just everywhere on me. Ughhh I really hate myself.

And you know what??? My boyfriend has been calling me fat like tf I should dump is dumb ass 😠 But he says he's been getting fat too but he's not I swear he's like 160-165 pounds and used to work out but hasn't been due to lots of school work so I'm thinking his muscle is just turning into fat so he thinks he's getting fat and gaining weight but he's just staying the same weight and loosing muscle. I can tell I've lost a lot of muscle too 😢

I made some steam buns yesterday and have to knees the dough for 15-20 minutes but I got SO tired after 4-5 minutes and my arms started cramping like wtf I used to be able to knees dough for 30 minutes and still be fine 😭

Anyways baby steps so I'm trying to not eat past 11pm I've broken it like 4 times but I'm trying 🥺 And you know what? I love myself (trying to) so at the end of the day when I ask myself if I really tried? The answer will be yes 😤 Starting now bitchhhhh

That's all for now I'll update in a few days hopefully and not BINGE again :) I hope you guys are doing well and not going on rampages and eating soo much like me 😅 Whatever's going on in your guys life we can fight through it together 🥺✨💕💕