My life

Whats wrong with me 🤡🐖

Okay I know I said weekly and it's been 2 weeks but I'm just not myself these days!!!

Okay sooooo I went in for my birth control refill yesterday and the weighed me and I saw my weight for the first time in a few months 😤

YOU GUYS guess how much I weigh.... FuCkInG 135lbs wtf all my progress I made the past 2 years just GONE

I mean to be fair I do binge everyday 🤡

I have a new diet plan though (picture up there) it's my plan to be 105-95 pounds my the end of may. I NEED to be more strict with myself and I know I say that every time but I'm just a disappointment hence why I hate myself soo much. At the end of the day if I ask myself did I try my best the answer is always no and it's been like this for fucking idk since I was 9? I think that's why some people enjoy reading this soo much lol because you guys can relate to me or the other way around with dieting and failing and binging.

Did I tell you guys this already? If I did Oop but if I didnt then story time! When I was a kid I always knew I looked different from the other kids around me but I just could never figure out what it was then when I was 9 my mom pulled out her old scale and weighed me and I was 103 pounds and she was like OMG you're 103! You have to start going on runs with me! And I just to this day still remember my heart dropping when I saw the number and ever since that day I've been self conscious about myself!

Anyways...!! Ummm yeah my grades are still horrible and a lot worse than last time I wrote here. I still binge everyday oh yeah and the other day I had a mental break down and cut my hair it's ugly but low key growing on it now lol. My hair was like idk "long" like if you google mid length hair imagine that hair but like times 1.6 longer. The I cut it to like shoulders length like 1-2 inches shorter than mid length. And it's soo uneven but oh well... 😅

Oh! I also might be moving well not moving but staying in LA for a bit. Well not like LA lol but like California but near LA...? Idk but like yeah 😅

So basically my moms side of the family is from California and she moved a few states away to live with my dad but my grandpa (her dad) got really sick a few weeks ago idk with what but he died a few days ago and I AM sad but I didn't really know him that  well so not SAD SAD. He was also def so that's part of why I didn't know him that well.

So a few days ago my mom left to go back to her family and be with her dad before he died and so it's basically her siblings (most of them like 4 out of 6??) and her parents well now just mom and one of her brothers wives so my aunt live all together with one of her sisters husbands with 2 dogs and 1 bird. Wow that's a lot isn't it?

So one of my moms sisters (my aunt) is married (so my uncle) and they have 2 kids and this uncle of mine works for google and he makes BANK and they two decided to buy this mansion and have the family live all together that's why soo many people lol but the house guys everyone so it's all good.

So my grandpa died so his funeral is gonna be in a few weeks so my moms flying back from California in a few days but my family so my siblings and parents and grandma I think? Are gonna fly to California for his funeral and we'll all stay for a bit then we'll fly back yk go back home but they want some of us (me and some of my siblings) to stay behind and live with them for the rest of the school year and for the whole summer so like 5 months. And it's my choice and I want to I do but I also don't want to leave my boyfriend for 5 months ☹️

I mean is that dumb? We really rely on each other everyday emotionally and physically like bitch I take birth control and gained 10 pounds but also because we're cast outs with no other friends lol.

And he just got his driver's license and we planned on getting summer jobs together 🥺 but idk.

I think it'll be good if I go because it's actually something new yk??? And apparently minimum wage in California is $14 which is like really good for where I live lol minimum wage where I live is like $9?? And my last job I had was $15 an hour and I hear that lots of adults have jobs that only pay $15 an hour so I wanna get a job there! And there are lots of great food places there 👀👀👀 and lots of shops I can get small clothes from then lose weight and come back skinny lmao I hope.

What do you guys think?? Should I go or nah. Was that a complicated story? Anyways, I'm gonna try eating less for the next few days maybe fast a bit the next week I'll start have 750 calories a day :)

Okay I'm exaggerating it's just like a large house but any house is a mansion to me 😭

I hope you guys are doing welll! Hopefully better than me 🥺❤️ I'll see you again in a week or so! O