Hook, Line & Sinker

Chapter 56

Chapter 56: "You don't know how deeply intertwined you are with someone until you try to walk away from them."

Inikot ko ang tingin sa sa buong bahay. Shin and I shared a lot of memories in this house. And it pains me knowing that I would have to leave this place soon. I bit my lower lip as I felt a growing lump in my throat, and stinging in my eyes.

Mababagal ang mga hakbang na umakyat ako ng hagdan. Ilang minuto na akong nakatayo sa labas ng kwarto namin pero hindi ko makuhang pumasok sa loob. Humugot ako ng malalim na hininga at inabot ang seradura pero bago ko pa mapihit pabukas iyon ay bumukas ang pinto sa kabilang kwarto na siyang opisina ni Shin. 

Pinigilan kong hindi maiyak ng magtama ang mga mata namin. All I could see in his eyes is coldness. Our relationship has got worst. The night he caught me trying to open his phone, I felt so ashamed that all I could was walk out of our room.

"Let's talk," seryosong sabi niya.

Bigla ay pinuno ako ng takot. It scares me because I know where our talk will lead to, and I'm not ready yet. I want to buy as much time as I could. "Bukas na lang. Pagod ako."

"We're going to talk. Not later. Not tomorrow. Now," mariing saad niya. "We are not okay, Tamara. You and I both know that we need to talk this out."

I bit my lower lip hard. Ilang sandali lang akong nakatitig sa mukha niya. Sa huli ay tumango ako at sumunod sa kanyang opisina. Umupo kami sa magkabilang dulo ng couch. Ipinagsaklop ko ang mga kamay at piniling tumingin sa pader. 

How do I say goodbye to him when I have planned the rest of my life with him in it? Paano ako mabubuhay ng hindi siya kasama kung buong buhay ko siya lang ang tanging pinangarap ko na makasama?

"I-I have already t-talked to DJ," mahinang saad ko.

Marahas siyang napabaling sa akin. "DJ?"

I swallowed hard. "Nasabi ko na sa kanya na wala akong hinihinging kahit ano mula sa'yo. Bukas na bukas aayusin ko na ang mga gamit ko."

I don't know how I was able to deliver that line without breaking down in front of him. Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kanya ng wala akong narinig na sagot mula sa kanya. He seemed dumbfounded. 

Humugot siya ng malalim na hininga at walang kibo na tumayo at lumabas.  Shin.. I just stared at the door until my vision became blurry as tears pooled in my eyes. The look on his face tore me apart. With shaking hands, I covered my face as painful sob escaped my throat. 

My eyes hurt from crying too much, but it's nothing to the pain I feel in my heart. I wrapped my arms around my folded knees as I stared at the wall. It's a quarter to two in the morning, but Shin hasn't come back yet. Hindi ko alam kung saan siya nagpunta at nag-aalala na ako sa kanya. Kanina ko pa siya tinatawagan pero hindi niya sinasagot.

Napaangat ako ng tingin ng bumukas ang pinto. My lips quivered when I felt a lump in my throat upon seeing his swollen eyes. 

"Shin.." Tears pooled in my eyes.

His mouth set in a hard line. "Why?" mahinang tanong niya. 

"Shin.."

"Why, Tamara?" Lumapit siya sa akin at lumuhod sa tapat ko. He cupped my cheeks. "I've been beating my brains out trying to figure out why you wanna leave me. Is it something I did or didn't do? Is it about my time for you? Do I make you feel neglected? Is that it?"