Hook, Line & Sinker

Chapter 29

Chapter 29: Alice: How long is forever?
                         White Rabbit: Sometimes just one second.

The tension in the air was almost tangible. I wanted to break the silence but at the same time, I didn't want to. Not because I'm still mad at him. I love him so much that I can't stay mad at him for a long time. I'm so confused. I bit my lower lip and looked out the window. This is your chance, Tamara. Ito na iyon. Tell him how you feel! 

But then again, what about Lindy?

Sa dami ng iniisip ko ay hindi ko napansin na nasa tapat na pala kami ng bahay. Napapikit na lang ako ng mariin. Maybe this isn't the right time to talk to him yet. 

"T-thank you."

Hindi siya umimik. Alam ko na kailangan ko ng bumaba, but my body refused to move. Sumandig ako sa upuan at napabuntong-hininga. He didn't say anything, he just leaned against his seat. It was like we had this silent agreement to talk. 

"I'm sorry I hurt your feelings the other day," he muttered, breaking the silence after a while.

He didn't give any explanation, but it only made me feel his sincerity more. Sumama ang loob ko pero kahit kailan ay hindi naman ako nagalit sa kanya. I guess at the back of my mind I knew he just got worried of me that's why he reacted that way.

I took a deep breath. "I'm sorry din. Minsan talaga lutang lang ako kaya nawala sa isip ko yung cellphone ko kaya hindi ko nasagot yung mga tawag mo."

The corner of his mouth moved up. "Minsan lang ba?" he asked, looking at me.

Napalabi ko. "Madalas," I admitted. 

Napangiti siya sa sinabi ko. Tumingin ako sa kanya at ngumiti. Parang bulang bigla na lang naglaho ang sama ng loob ko sa kanya. While staring at each other, I knew it was time to tell him. 

"I'm sorry for b-breaking up with you all of a sudden." Unti-unting nawala ang ngiti niya. Nagbaba ako ng tingin. "I.. I was just so insecure. Kung ano-ano ang pumasok sa isip ko. And I.. I was so jealous of Ally.. y-you were always together. T-tapos ang daming nagsasabi na bagay kayo." 

I started to wring my fingers in nervousness. "M-masakit palang marinig na yung level ng isang Ian Kenshin Illustre ay bagay lang sa level ng katulad ni Ally."  I chuckled the mask the pain of those words. "So, when I saw the two of you at the cafeteria together, I felt so bad. K-kase nung inaya kita sabi mo busy ka. T-tapos iyon." 

"That's why you never asked me to have lunch with you again." I bit my lower lip and nodded, still looking down. I was a little surprised that he actually noticed that. 

He breathed out, held my chin, and made me look at him. "I was busy that day, Tamara. But our professor gave us a few minutes of break to eat, I didn't message you anymore since it was only for a few minutes. Ally asked me to join her, and so I did. Plus, I had some stuff that I needed to discuss with her about our project. Multitasking."

Nahihiyang ngumiti ako ng tipid. "Ally told me that there's nothing to be jealous about. Sadly. huli ko ng na-realize iyon. I'm sorry," I muttered as tears swam in my eyes.

Ilang sandali siyang tumahimik, waring nag-iisip. After a while, he breathed out. "I was at fault, too. "A big part of it, was my fault."

I shook my head. "Hindi totoo yon. Ako-"

"No, Tamara. It is true." Tumingin siya ng diretso sa labas. "You didn't feel secure enough because I didn't have much time for you."

"But you always tried to reassure me."