He Ain't For Me

25

Kabanata 25

Kinuha ko ang tissue sa storage compartment at pinunasan ang sarili. Medyo nabasa ako pero hindi naman sobrang basa.

Pagkatapos ko ay ibinigay ko ito sa katabi ko na ngayon ay masuring nakatingin sa akin.

"What?" Asik ko.

Wala naman itong sinabi at kinuha ang tissue sa kamay ko. Pagkatapos nyang magpunas ay sinuklay nya ang kanyang buhok gamit ng kanyang mga daliri. Itinaas nya ang kanyang sweatshirt at agaran akong nag-iwas ng tingin.

Hindi ko alam kung anong nararamdaman ko ngayon. Galit, lungkot, disappointment, inis, kaba ewan ko ba nag halu-halo na.

Hindi ko inakala na darating ang oras na makakasama ko pa sya sa iisang sasakyan, na kaming dalawa lang. This is too much for me, for him and for Van.

"Hindi mo ba inisip na pag nalaman ito ni Van hindi lang ang relasyon nyo ang masisira kundi pati yung saamin?" I asked, looking at my reflection in the side mirror.

Natatakot ako na baka mamaya lang ay malaman nya, okay bukas, sa makalawa. Everyday is uncertain and every day I have this feeling na mabubuko kami.

"I always think about that. I don't want to hurt her. She's nice and lovely." Sagot nya.

May kirot akong naramdaman nang sabihin nya ang huling kataga.

Jerk.

"That's why I did everything to not hurt her."

Tumingin ako sa kanya dahil hindi ako makapaniwala sa sinabi nya.

"Everything? You mean by kissing me and by being a cheater. Oh yeah you did not hurt her by those." I said sarcastically.

Nakita ko ang pag pikit nya at pag lunok.

"No baby, I didn't cheat and you don't understand." Pag e-explain nya.

"That's it. I don't always understand. You think that I'm an idiot talaga no? Na hindi na-iintindihan ang mga bagay." My voice was shaking when I said the last sentence.

Ganon ba kababa tingin nya sa akin?

Umusog sya papalapit sa akin at hinawakan ang balikat ko.

"Shhh, that's not what I meant. You know it. I never see you anything near that." Pag-aalo nya dahil I'm getting emotional.

"Why do I feel like that, then?" Tanong ko at pinakalma ang sarili.

"There are things na mahirap sabihin na kahit gustuhin mo man ay hindi makakabuti sa isang sitwasyon. Kaya mas mabuting sarilihin mo muna. But believe me mas gustuhin kong masaktan kesa sa makasakit." Ani nya. He sounded so serious.

Hindi ko maintindihan kung saan nanggagaling ang mga sinasabi nya but one thing I'm sure is gusto ko ng umuwi.

"Let's end everything tonight. I don't wanna talk to you anymore, I don't want anything from you. You can stop your motives and your concerns because I don't need them. Fix your life, fix your relationship with Van. Just pretend that I am not here and I'm still in Cali so you can go back to your old life." I said firmly.

I may not always have the best decisions in life but I'm sure this is one of them. Freeing yourself from the chain that keeps prisoning you is a nice move. You don't have to go back to the person that broke and still breaking you.

I sincerely looked at him "You still have a chance. Don't lose the person you love because you are guilty of the past. I forgive you for hurting me and please forgive me for doing the same unintentionally or not. I guess this is our closure. We may not have the chance to talk back then, but at least now we have the opportunity to really close the chapter that keeps us from living the present."