Right In Front Of You

Chapter 6 - What Did I do Wrong?

Suzie's POV;

Barry and I sat down in my office; my head was fighting so hard to remain calm and in control when my insides felt like I was dying. As hard as I tried nothing made sense anymore; nothing felt worth it and nothing I did would stop this uncontrollable tremor in my heart. I had put on a brave and happy face in the bar, but sitting in here in the office with my best friend I could finally let the charade fall and just let out the pain inside.

"Hey it's ok babe, you will get through this," Barry said moving to me and wrapping his arm around me tightly. Collapsing in his embrace, I just let the tears fall freely, I let the heart breaking sobs fall through my lips without force. "I will be right here, I will not let you fall ok?"

"How could...how could I have been-so-stupid?" I panted through the gulf of tears that rained from my eyes in a stream so fierce that I could hardly see in front of me.

"You are not stupid...I want you to get that idea out of your head right now sweetie," Barry emphasized as his hand gently ran up and down my back supportively.

No matter what was happening in my life, no matter what I did he was always there, always the one to support me when I felt like I had no one to turn too. After H, Britt and I had lost our Parent's, our Aunt and Uncle took us in, but they didn't support us, they basically just provided a roof over our heads so I had become the Parental figure for my two sisters.

I made sure they ate, I made sure they brushed their teeth and didn't eat too much candy, I clothed them, I made sure they did their homework, I cooked, I did their laundry and I did it all because they were all I had left. I loved them with everything that I am, everything I did, I did for them. When I missed my prom it was because Britt had chicken pox and was running a fever. When I missed my first date it was because H had to study for her SAT's and I sat up with her all night to ensure that she passed.

"I think we should get you home honey," Barry said soothingly.

"No...I can't Bar; this is only the second night of the club being open, I can't just leave in the middle of the night...we're far too busy!"

"You shouldn't have come in at all Suz, you are in no fit state to be..."

"Just go on out in to the bar babe, and give me a few minutes alone and I will be right as rain again,"

"I don't want to leave you al..."

"Please Bar, I just need a few moments to gather myself, I will be fine, I promise," I looked up at him and did my best at giving him a reassuring smile but knowing that I had failed miserably when he leaned down and kissed my cheek affectionately.

"Ok sweetie, I will be at the bar if you need me ok?"

Clearly my tone had managed to persuade him that this was indeed what I needed tonight. I needed to be here, I needed to keep myself busy and if I had to take a few moments to crumble alone then that was what I would do.

"Thank you," I got up and followed him to the door, then closed and locked it when he left. Sliding down the thick oak wood, until I was curling my knees towards my chest and the crying took over.

Everything that Shaun and I had built was gone in a flash. Ten years thrown down the drain for a meaningless fuck; if it had been something substantial then I could have dealt a little easier, but it had clearly meant nothing to him when he hadn't even gone after her.

How was I meant to get past this?

The tears came stronger and faster until it felt like a dam had just busted through my eyes and was devouring everything in its path. Slowly I stumbled to my feet and moved to my stereo, searching through the CD's that lay around the counter, I found the one I was looking for and slipped it in to the machine; skipping the tracks until I found the one that would put me back in to the frame of mind that I needed to go back out there and act like my life was perfect.