Lovesick Witches

It Could Never Be

As we sat in the quiet potions lab together, I explained to HB all about the problem that I was facing to do with the difference in magic here, compared to Pentangle's. 

"You've seen it yourself," I told HB, "I made that protection potion exactly how I would have made it when I was at Pentangle's. Except it worked at Pentangle's, but not here." 

I explained to her about how the magic being more 'traditional' here meant that I would have to re-learn everything from scratch. I told her how stressed I was about having to learn so much in such a short space of time before my final exams. She sat there, listening to me, as I talked to her about how important it was that I passed these exams. 

"I have to pass! I have to get really good passes, actually. Because, think about it; everything I have learned in all my years at school will be tested. That's twelve years of education in total. And this is our last year, so after our exams, we will have finished school. FOREVER. And we will all have to go and find jobs. So yes, these exams are extremely important. And now I'm going to have to learn everything from scratch in less than a year." 

I took a deep breath after that sort of explosive realisation that my final exams were pretty damn important. 

Miss Hardbroom raised an eyebrow at me and said nothing at first. 

I got nervous, all of a sudden, that I had overwhelmed her with my hopeless personal issues. 

But after a minute, she answered. 

"Well, it seems you do take your magic seriously. The only solution I can suggest is more revision and hard work. You can manage it, but you have to be willing to put in the extra effort. Otherwise, returning to Pentangle's may be your best option." 

I considered this for a minute. But no. Going back to Pentangle's was not an option. My parents would never allow it. And besides, I wanted Miss Hardbroom to be my potions teacher. 

"I'm prepared to put in the work," I responded. 

She smiled. "I'm glad to hear it. And as I am a teacher, it is my job to help the students reach their full potential and graduate with the best grades possible. So, I will be happy to help you. I will help you study and give you extra lessons after school hours. Your free time will be... somewhat limited. But if doing well in these exams is what you care about most, you will be willing to make time to study. And if this is the case, I will be willing to make time to help you." 

I agreed. I was so happy and relieved that she was going to help me. I felt certain that I would be able to manage re-learning everything if Miss Hardbroom was helping me. 

"Thank you so much, Miss Hardbroom. I promise I will work really hard. You have no idea how relieved I feel, now that you've said you'll help me." 

"You're welcome. Now go and get some lunch." 

I got up, accidentally putting pressure on my newly injured arm and letting out a quiet squeal as I felt the pain rush through it. 

"And be careful with that arm," said Miss Hardbroom. 

I left the classroom and began wandering through the fairly empty school corridors that lead to the lunch hall. 

My mind was deep in thought as I was walking through the school. 

I had a crush on Miss Hardbroom. Yes. I was certain I did. Which was really odd to me as I had never had a crush on a girl before! That's almost seventeen years of my life and I had been attracted to countless boys, but not one girl... until now, of course. 

And to make matters more bizarre, she was thirty years older than me! How I became attracted to her? I had absolutely no idea. But I knew that I was. And I would have expected feelings of fear, confusion or possibly even shame to overwhelm me if I realised I was attracted to a girl. But no. Non of that. I was happy. Very happy, in fact. I didn't know why, I didn't understand what was drawing me to her, but I didn't mind. I didn't feel the need to understand why I liked her, only to acknowledge that I did. 

I began trying to imagine us together, as a couple. But, for some reason, I just couldn't. Maybe I just didn't know her well enough. Or maybe I was confused and wasn't thinking straight. Literally. 

But no, I couldn't imagine us together. It took me a few moments to work out why. 

She was a teacher. Thirty years older than me. And possibly asexual, as Enid had pointed out, the day previously. To HB, I was just a student. One student, out of the hundreds of other students she taught. It was ridiculous that I had a crush on her! Surely it was impossible for her to ever even consider being in a relationship with me. Suddenly, I did feel ashamed. Embarrassed that I had developed a crush on her in the first place. 

Yes. I was certain. She would never like me back. How could she? I'm dull and sensible and just such a boring person in general! What, with my averagely long, averagely colourless hair and my terrible sense of humour, how could anyone ever be attracted to me, let alone HB! She was kind, confident and really, really hot. I realised I had lost control over my embarrassing thoughts again. 

I decided I would no longer think about HB in that way. From then on, she was just a teacher. And I was just one of her students. It was stupid of me to have even had the idea of having a crush on her in the first place, as she would certainly never be able to like me back. This decision to face reality gave me sadness, but it would have been silly of me to believe that we could ever be more than just a teacher her student. 

It could never be.