Lovesick Witches

Helplessly In Love

I used my spoon to swirl my soup around in my bowel as my thoughts continued to flow. 

Honestly, Ethel was probably smarter than me. And that was what scared me. I could've had all the passion and determination in the world but Ethel would still outsmart me. I hated to admit it but regardless of how great my love for Hecate was, intelligence was lethal. And Ethel had a LOT of that stuff. 

What if I couldn't stop Ethel from breaking us up? What if her selfish tactics were stronger than me? I loved Hecate so much but what if my love for her was actually my downfall? 

As my friends talked between themselves at the lunch table, I sulked as I began to lose belief in myself. I had been trying to figure out Ethel's plan for days but all I had actually managed to work out was my hopeless love for Hecate. I hadn't gotten anywhere close to figuring out Ethel's plan. And if I didn't know what she was going to do, how could I possibly have stopped her? Even with all my determination to stop her, if I didn't do anything to stop her, how could I? 

Ethel's intelligence was beyond me. She was going to succeed in breaking us up. However much I convinced myself otherwise, I knew she would succeed. 

I couldn't do anything. My love for Hecate was my strongest emotion. But even that wasn't enough to beat Ethel's tricks. I had no chance of figuring out Ethel's plan. It would just be a matter of time before I would be separated from the love of my life. 

I felt completely helpless as I came to this realisation. My vision became blurry as my eyes began to drown in water. 

I was suddenly hit by an intense wave of fear. I had no idea what Ethel was going to do but I knew that she would succeed in getting what she wanted. I would end up being separated from my one, true love and I was unable to do anything to stop it from happening. But I was scared of what Ethel would do to break us up. Being parted from Hecate was one thing, but being on bad terms with her was another. And Ethel really wasn't the type of person who would take our feelings into consideration whilst breaking us up. So, for all I knew, her horrid ego and selfish actions could result in forever heartbreak for both me, and Hecate. 

I loved Hecate with all my heart and soul and wanted nothing more than for her to be happy and safe. I'd always felt the need to protect her. I'd felt as though it was my responsibility to protect her and it was under my control. But my helplessness in this situation meant that I was no longer in control of Hecate's happiness. 

First of all, I loved Hecate. Hecate didn't love me. I knew she didn't, which was why I didn't tell her that I loved her. So when Ethel succeeded in breaking us up, it would result in heartbreak for me, but not necessarily for Hecate. I knew Hecate cared about me, but she didn't love me. So even if we did end up parted, she would be okay. Me, on the other hand, I would not be so okay. But as long as Hecate was fine, I would be able to accept that. I wanted Hecate's happiness more than my own, so as long as she was happy, I would be fine. 

But I was leaving Cackle's Academy in a few months time, anyway. And my relationship with Hecate grew stronger every day. Every time we spoke, we got closer. I had reached the point of love with Hecate, but Hecate was yet to reach that point with me. Who's to say she wouldn't reach that point? I'd always believed that Hecate could never love me. But in the beginning, I didn't love her. It took time for my love to develop. 

If my relationship with Hecate continued for the next few months, it wouldn't be impossible that she would develop deeper feelings for me, however bizarre that seemed. 

But here's the thing. Hecate and I would end up separating sooner or later, anyway. I only had a few months left at school. Then I would leave, forever. And Hecate would stay. Meaning that we would have to part. However much I hated to thing about it, it was still very much true that Hecate and I could never stay together. I would leave. She would stay. Chances were, we wouldn't even see each other again after that. 

Hecate didn't love me. But if this relationship continued until I had to leave, what if she had developed love for me? Then not only would I be heartbroken, but Hecate would be too. I couldn't do that to Hecate. She was too precious to me. I loved her too much to break her heart like that. At least if Ethel would manage to succeed in breaking us up, Hecate's feelings for me wouldn't have appeared yet. Meaning that only I would be heartbroken. 

Not only that, but I would want to protect myself from that heartbreak. Yes, by Ethel breaking us up now, I would be heartbroken. But if my relationship with Hecate continued, I would be so much more heartbroken when we had to break up at the end of the year. I had to protect myself from that because a heartbreak like that would be too much for me. I wouldn't be able to cope. At least with Ethel breaking us up now, my heartbreak wouldn't be as severe as it would be if Hecate loved me back.