I ran through the hustling trees that surrounded me and back into the dull courtyard of the school. The sun radiated onto me, making me feel very hot and flustered. I ran past the grey, stone walls of the school and through the heavy front door.
I sprinted through the cold, dark corridors, passing the potions lab. I felt my palms become sweaty as I ran past that classroom. The usual feeling of comfort I felt when being near the potions lab had now been replaced with a sickening anxiety.
My mind flooded with panic and fear as I continued dashing through the school. When I finally reached by bedroom, I entered, banging my door shut and flinging myself onto my bed.
As I lay in bed that night, so many thoughts ran through my mind. So many feelings and emotions overwhelmed me.
When HB and I leaned in to kiss each other in the woods that day, everything seemed so perfect. It all felt so right. But, I pulled away last second. I wanted to be with HB so much. I really liked her and had such strong feelings for her. Yet, when I was given the opportunity to kiss her, I was the one to fuck it up.
I got so scared in the moment and ran away. I just couldn't understand why I did that. I supposed I just got nervous and panicked over my feelings.
But as I lay in bed thinking about it, I didn't regret pulling away. I seemed like the right thing to do. But I couldn't work out why. I wanted nothing more than to be able to kiss her, but reflecting on it afterwards, I was glad I didn't kiss her. Which was strange, as my feelings for her were still there, just as strong as they were before.
I stared at the old, wooden ceiling in my bedroom as I contemplated over these contradictory thoughts.
I was still so attracted to HB. I still longed to be with her. I still liked her more than anyone else and had such intense feelings towards her. Yet, I didn't regret not kissing her.
It took me a good few hours of thinking to work out why.
I still believed that Miss Hardbroom could never feel for me like I felt for her. That is why I didn't kiss her. Not because I didn't like her enough, but because I was scared that HB could never like me back.
I contemplated over this as I turned over in my bed.
It was impossible for Miss Hardbroom to ever want to be with me. It was impossible for her to ever be in a relationship with me. I was just a student to her. She was just my teacher. We just had a moment. But she could never like me as much as I liked her. And that's why I freaked out and ran away. Because I knew that she would never feel as strongly for me as I did for her.
She was thirty years older than me. She was an extremely powerful witch and I couldn't even make a simple protection potion. She was smart, I was just average. She was so much prettier than me. I knew she told me to think more positively of myself. But it was all true. No matter how kind I was to myself, no matter how much I believed in myself, the facts were that she was better than me in every way possible and that she would never have true feelings for me.
And that's why I didn't regret backing away. Because it was still true that it could never be.
YOU ARE READING
Lovesick Witches
RomanceAnastasia Willow is nervous to attend Cackle's Academy for Witches for her fifth and final year of magical schooling. After leaving Pentangle's because of the distraction a love life can bring, Ana is certain she will be able to concentrate on her s...