Suicidal

Chapter seventeen

Bella's POV:
After Charlie and his friends stopped beating and raping me, I slowly uncurled by aching body, my nerves screaming in pain as I softly stretch into a normal position, before slowly sitting up, tears slowly trickling down my face. I feel disgusting, used. I stand up and head into my secret room, I grab the first aid kit from the bathroom back there and sit on the closed toilet. I start to check over my bruised and broken body. Looking for the cuts, burns and bruises left behind from my father's war path. I wince slightly as I find a particularly viscous cut on my sides. I open the first aid kid and pull out some gauze and stitching equipment. I wash the cut with cold water and begin to use the gauze to soak as much of the blood dripping from the cut as possible, I then proceed to stitch it up quickly and carefully, years of practice giving me an advantage. When I finish, I grab a bandage and wrap it around my waist before securing it with medical tape and a safety pin. I sigh softly and wash my face and brush my teeth, I put pyjamas on and sit back on my bed, hissing slightly as pain flared through my lower body. I close my eyes and let myself slip into a nightmare filled sleep.
———————————————————————————————
(Bella's nightmare)
I walk around the house, cleaning and cooking as I go, preparing for Charlie to get home from work, I hear the door slam and multiple pairs of footsteps heading into the kitchen, I'm grabbed by my hair, my wails and begs for mercy falling on deaf ears, and thrown to the floor, collapsing in a heap at my father's feet. I dare not look up in fear of what he'll do. I hear the sound of a knife being pulled from its container, and not long after I feel the metal drive through my leg, I scream in agony as it slices my skin like it's the most delicate silk, my pale skin becoming crimson from my blood, I hear laughter as his friends watch me bleed, watch me being beat by a man who's meant to love me unconditionally, and before long they join in, breaking bones and leaving cuts on my pale skin. The red harshness of the cuts standing out. It seems like an eternity before they let up and go to the living room to watch football and get drunk. Leaving me bleeding on the floor, not caring if I live or die.
———————————————————————————————
I wake up in a cold sweat, my heart racing in as I try to recover from the nightmare, the memory, I just experienced. I reach for my phone to check the time: 3:00 am. Great, no point in going back to sleep now. I open my messages and text Edward.
(Bella is normal Edward is bold)
Hey, are you still awake?
Yes I'm still awake. Why are you awake so late?
Nightmare, why are you awake so late?
Studying, do you want to talk about your nightmare?
Not really. What are you studying?
Psychology.
(Texts ends here)
We continue to text through the rest of the early morning until about five am when I start to get ready for school, I brush my hair and apply make up to the bruises on my face and any other visible skin. I get dressed and grab my bag before heading downstairs, I start breakfast, an omelette, toast and a pot of coffee, before setting the table, I hear Charlie coming downstairs, I place the food on the table as he enters the kitchen and step away. He sits and starts to eat and drink, he eyes me before smiling sadistically and reaching for the cup of hot coffee, I brace myself for the inevitable. The hot liquid is thrown at me and kisses burns my bare skin. I don't show any indication of pain as it cools slightly on my cold skin. He glares at me and I pour more coffee into his mug before heading to grab my bag and head to school, as I shut the door and turn the corner, I see a car parked that I recognised as Edward's, the window rolls down and he says "get in, it's cold out here and you'll freeze walking to school." I smile softly at his concern and open the door to get in the car, my heart fluttering slightly as I see his beautiful face much more clearly. I fasten my seatbelt and shut the door carefully. He starts the engine and we drive to school. When we get there he runs to my side of the car and opens the door, holding his hand out for me, I blush and take it, slowly standing. I try not to let any sign of pain show, but to no avail, I hiss softly. Edward looks concerned, "Bella, what happened last night?" I shut my eyes to try and stop the tears trickling, breathing slowly, I open my eyes and paint a fake smile onto my face, "nothing worse than usual Edward, I'll be fine." I half lied. It wasn't worse than usual, the rape was now normal, but I'm not fine and I'll never be fine. He sighed and nodded mutely, sadness flashing in his eyes. We heard the bell go and headed to biology, chatting quietly along the way. We get there and the teacher starts rambling on about onion root cells and mitosis. Eventually the bell rings and I head to Spanish while Edward heads to calculus.
———————————————————————————————
(Time skip)
I walk slowly to the cafeteria in hopes that my body doesn't ache anymore than it already does, I get there and sit down at a table, eventually, the five Cullens come and sit with me, I look at them and smile, "hello everyone." I softly speak, immediately they all respond with their greetings of hello. I reach into my bag and pull out the water I brought at break along with the apple I packed this morning, Edward looks at me and says "is that all you're eating for lunch Bella?" I nod and reply, "I had a big breakfast." I think both of us know that's a lie. He drops the subject and we all eat in silence. The bell goes to signify the end of lunch. We all head to our lessons, which in my case was English with Edward. When the lesson finishes we head out to the car park and Edward walks over to his car, opening the front passenger side door, signifying for me to get in, I get in and he holds my hand as I sit down, wincing once again, like I have all day when I sit down, he shuts the door and goes to the other side of the car and gets in himself. He fastens his seat belt and then sighs before turning to me, "Bella, please tell me what happened to you last night, and before you say it was the same as usual or that you're fine, know that I've noticed you wincing when you sit down all day or how when your sleeves slide up, you have burns on your arms, I can tell you're wearing makeup, and I doubt it's much of a stretch to say it's covering bruises on your face, please let me help you. I can't stand the thought of driving you back to that vile place you call home, I don't want to leave you with that disgusting monster who does this to you. My heart aches when I see you like this because you never tell me what's wrong, please let me help you Bella, please." I look down at my hands in my lap, tears welling up in my eyes, I feel Edward's fingers on my chin, gently lifting my head and turning slightly so I'm facing him, but I keep my eyes lowered, the sound of his voice breaking fills my ears, "look at me Bella, please." My eyes flick up and the tears finally start to fall, Edward looks so full of grief, and it's all my fault, if I'd never told him about the abuse he wouldn't be in this situation, I shakily start to speak "I'm sorry Edward." He softly wipes the tears on my cheeks away with his thumb and pulls me into him, I flinch slightly as he wraps his arms around me, before relaxing in his embrace. I feel the last wall of my control crumble, I sob into his chest, words falling from my lips "I'm so scared Edward, I hate going home, but in reality I have no where else to go, all my family is dead, my parents were only children, and I don't want to end up in the foster system, I go home to a house where I get beat and raped and treated no better than the dirt off of the bottom of his shoe, I can't tell the police because he's the chief of police and can't do anything wrong to them, I tried before and I almost died, he almost killed me, no one hears me screaming for mercy at night, they don't hear my cries and begging for the pain to stop, the teachers at school never notice the scars, cuts, burns and bruises that cover my skin, I hate my life, I'm so tired of pretending I'm fine when I'm so clearly not." He tightens his hold on me and slowly rocks me back and forth in an attempt to console me as I break down in his arms. "You can't go back there Bella, let me help you." He begs me, I shake my head "you can't, he'll hurt you if he ever found out that you helped me. I could never let that happen." "Please Bella." He continues to beg "I love you, I can't stand the thought of the girl I love going home to an abusive household, I'm so scared I'm going to find you dying or dead one day, I don't want to loose you, I can't. Please Bella." I gasp in surprise at his confession, but before I can respond to him he starts speaking again, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that, you have a lot going on in your life already, you don't need my problems on..." but before he could finish his sentence I softly press my lips to his, his hand moves to cup the back of my neck and head. I lean closer to him, wishing that this moment would last forever. But then the dull ache in my lungs reminded me I had to breathe. I pulled away slightly and rested my forehead against his, "I love you too Edward." He continues to hold my neck, "would you make me the happiest man alive and be my girlfriend?" He asks me, my face lights up in a happy smile, the first in a long time. "Yes." The response falls from my lips before his press against mine again. A minute later we separate again and he states, "well now I definitely am not letting you go back there." I see no way to convince him otherwise, so I softly murmur, "ok I won't go back, but I have to get some things from there." "Like what, is it important enough to risk you getting hurt anymore." He panics again. "My designing things, my clothes, books and the money my mum left behind for me. But he's at work right now, he's on a long shift so he won't be back until tomorrow, we'll be fine." He nods softly. We sit in our seats properly and he starts to drive to my house. When we pull up there, we head inside, I lead him to my room, he looks confused "where's your stuff?" He questions, I smile and head to the wall before opening the entrance to my secret room, I show him through and start packing my things, he helps me by packing up my fabrics and sewing machine into their bags. I grab the bag of money and smile at him, we step into the bathroom and I hear him growl, "Bella how old is this blood?" I look at him and say "it's from last night, but I'm fine." I grab my first aid kit and we leave. We walk back to the car and put the things in the boot of the car. We sit back in the car and we start to drive, we pull up at Edward's home and he helps me out of the car. We walk in, leaving my bags in the car. I flinch slightly as I hear Edward yell, "family meeting." He leads me to the dining room and pulls a chair out for me, the rest of the Cullens walk into the room and smile as they see me, I wave at them as they sit down. Carlisle questions "why did you call the meeting Edward?" He responds "Bella agreed to get help for the situation at home and I was wondering if she could stay here dad." Carlisle's face lit up in a smile, "thank goodness, of course she can stay here." Edward smiled and softly kisses the side of my head, the entire family smiles and Alice squeals "yay you're finally together."