Suicidal

Chapter fifteen

Bella's POV
My eyes flutter open and I let the colours in the world focus as I wake ready to start a new day, another day full of pain and torture, I get out of bed, my injured and sore body groaning in protest as I stretch. I walk over to my wardrobe and pull on clothes and sort out my hair and makeup, covering bruises that slithered across my body. I grab my bag and make sure everything I need is in there, I head downstairs and begin to prepare breakfast for Charlie, carefully cooking the food to make sure it doesn't burn, I plate it up and put it on the table with a cup of coffee next to it, before heading out of the door and walking to school. I arrive on time and walk into study hall, sitting at my desk at the back of the room, I pull out my sketchbook and begin to draw. I gently draw soft curves and heart shaped necklines, i smile to myself softly as I get lost in a world that is safe for me, a world of colours and soft fabrics. I hear the bell ring and I sigh dejectedly as I pack up my things and head to English, I love English don't get me wrong, but I'd much rather stay in my safe world. I sit at my desk and pull out paper and a pen as Edward comes and sits next to me, he smiles gently at me "is your head alright?" He questioned, instinctively my hand shoots up to my head and my fingers lightly dance across where my head split open the other day, "yes thank you, it's not too painful." I say and before I could stop myself I say, " don't worry I'm used to it." He looks concerned as I turn to focus on the lesson. When the bell goes I shoot out of my chair and run out of the door, ignoring Edward's cries of my name ringing in my ears as run from my problems as usual. The next lesson passes by in a blur as my mind runs through my conversation with Edward, why did I say that! Why did you say it you idiot? My mind fires all sorts of horrible insults at me and tears prick at my eyes, before cascading down my face. Stuck in a world of pain and self hatred, I walk to the bathroom, my mind still screaming at me, I step into a cubicle and a harsh sob escapes my lips as I grip my hair, tugging at it hard. Broken whimpers fill my ears as I realise quickly that I was having a panic attack. The air rushes from my lungs as I desperately try to draw in air, black dots dance across my vision like the most graceful ballerina, I slowly see the world around me turn dark as I slip into unconsciousness, greeting it like an old friend.
——————————————————————————————— I groan softly as my eyes flutter open and the bright lights fill my vision, I check my phone and see that only five minutes had passed, I slowly get up gripping the toilet to make sure my knees don't buckle under me. I walk to the sink and splash water on my hot face to cool myself down, and then reach into my bag and proceed to fix my hair and makeup. I walk into the canteen and get an apple and a bottle of water before sitting at a table and slowly eating and drinking, hating the feeling of food filling my stomach, but I have to eat at school so nobody thinks that somethings wrong. So they don't catch on, when I finish the last bite of my apple I throw the core away and sip at my water. I grab my headphones and put some music on, the voice of Taylor swift flooding my ears (the song is safe and sound by the way). I pull out my sketch book and continue with the design I started earlier in study hall, I shade the dress and draw accessories, I check the time and realise I have to head to class. I pack everything away and head to Spanish, I sit down next to my old best friend Angela Webber, she looks up and smiles softly at me, she's such a kind hearted person, even though I avoid her as much as possible so she doesn't get hurt, I could never forgive myself if she did. She turns away as I sit and the teacher walks in and the lesson begins. when the bell rings I walk to my final lesson of the day, biology. When I arrive I sit down next to Edward and glacé at him briefly. He looks at me and I quickly avert my gaze to my paper, I hear him softly question "Bella what did you mean earlier when you said you're used to having your head split open?" I smile softly at him and respond, "it gets icy here and I'm very clumsy, I slip a lot and hit things so I'm used to the pain of bashing my head against something." He looks at me and replies "I don't believe you." I look back at my paper and write up the work we were doing in the lesson and I glance through my hair to see Edward staring at me, his brows furrowed. As soon as the sound of the bell ringing fills my ears I get up and try to leave the room but Edward was faster and his hand grips my wrist gently but firmly at the same time preventing me from running, I stare at my shoes, Edward sighs and softly puts his thumb and a finger in my chin, gently tilting my head up, I keep my eyes adverted and he softly says, "look at me Bella, please." My eyes flicker up to his and he continues talking "do you want to come to my house, my family is eager to meet you, and my sister Alice is begging me to meet you." I softly sigh, "Edward, I'm not too sure that's a good idea, I have to get home, my father will be worried about me." I know its a blatant lie, Charlie doesn't care where I go, just as long as I don't tell anyone about the abuse, and that he's got dinner ready for him at six. I can tell he's not going to relate so hesitantly I respond "fine, but I can't stay long,"