Moon Tower

34.

this chapter has been edited and updated. enjoy!xx

"I just don't understand what happened, Sara, one minute he was laying on top of me, a total cuddle bug, and the next he was yelling and telling me to grow up."

That night I got in my car and drove all the way to my sister's apartment in Orange County. I stayed on the floor of my own apartment with my head in my hands, trying calm down and convince myself I hadn't just thrown everything down the drain, until I heard a knock. For a minute I thought it was Harry, and I didn't know if I should've been filled with relief or dread, but when I opened the door and it was the pizza delivery guy, I just felt hollow.

I paced around my apartment for an indeterminable amount of time, going back and forth between angry and confused and angry and regretful. I just couldn't understand what drove Harry to be so polarizing. I mean, I did in a sense, but I still struggled to stomach everything he'd said, the look on his face as he said it. Staying in my apartment was suddenly too much, and I felt the sudden urge to leave. I wanted to run until I felt better, until it didn't feel like the world was crumbling around me, but even after my doctor's allotted four weeks, I still didn't feel one hundred percent, and I was worried that if I started running, I wouldn't stop, and I would be right back where I was a little over a month ago physically. It felt almost like an itch, the need to escape. The longer I remained in my apartment, the worse it got, only ebbing when I packed an overnight bag and took off in my car. At first, I drove around my neighborhood, hoping that just circling the area a few times would calm me down. But when that didn't work, I found myself on the freeway headed south, a stream of depressing breakup music filtering through my car's speakers.

"You can have your space, cowboy, I ain't gonna fence you in.

Go on ride away, in your Silverado, I'll see you around again.

Cause I know my place, and it ain't with you,

Sunsets fade and love does too-"

I quickly cut the song off as I felt another sob wrack my body, not ready to hear the rest. I didn't want space, and I didn't think our love had faded, at least mine hadn't. Harry was in a bad place, and he was feeling a lot of ugly emotions that he didn't know how to deal with. And I kicked him out, I thought miserably. When he needed me the most, I told him to go. Maybe it was wrong, maybe I should've just locked myself in my room and waited until the morning to sort everything out, content with the knowledge that Harry would be waiting for me on the other side. But I did it, and I couldn't undo it. I added telling Harry to leave to the growing list of things about the last six hours that I regretted. Sniffling, I wiped the back of my hand against my eyes, and finished the drive in complete silence.

When I showed up at my sister's apartment unannounced, she didn't say anything, just stepped aside to let me in. It felt like we'd almost come full circle: Sara showed up at my apartment leaving behind a husband that cheated on her, and now, here I was, at the foot of my oldest sister's doorstep, my heart heavy with more emotions than I knew what to do with.

Sara had already put my nephew Dean to sleep, and was trying to do the same with Mia. She handed my little niece to me while she went to go make some tea for the two of us. I took Mia in my arms happily, hoping that bouncing her and pacing the living room of Sara's apartment would simultaneously put her to sleep and curb some of my pent up energy. Sara didn't say anything as I walked around with Mia, just kind of let me get everything off my chest. Back at my apartment, I hadn't said much to Harry, but now everything was pouring out of me.

"I-I, it was like night and day... And-and the things he said... I don't know Sara, I didn't want him to go in the state he was in, but I... I could barely look at him." My eyes fell to little Mia, and saw that she had finally fallen asleep, her cheeks puffed as she dozed on my chest. Sara took her daughter from me and went to put her in her crib. By the time she returned I was sitting on the couch, an occasional tear escaping down my cheek.