The Perfect Date

closing the gaps

Perrie's

I knocked on the wooden door, gasping for air. My heart pounding against my chest made me feel like exploding any minute. I nervously tapped my feet on the sand, creating a small hole in it. I sighed, hitting the door with my knuckles, again. I'm worried, concerned, and afraid, I don't know what to do or what to say.

Pez, go to Alex he needs u. emergency.

I know I'm not supposed to leave Jade but Alex needed me more. I'll just check on him then go back to her. The text was sent an hour ago and I'm afraid that he might do something. I raised my hand to knock again when the door opened and I was greeted by a bone-crushing hug. I rubbed his back as he whimpered in my neck. It felt like deja vu, back to the time when I broke up with him and he's begging me not to. I continued soothing him down as we slowly flopped down on the warm sand. The cold breeze brushing against our shoulders.

"She said she needs time to think" He sighed as he swipes the tears away. This is what I loved about Alex, he's not like those type of guys that thinks it's a bad thing to talk about your feelings. He understands that it's okay to be vulnerable sometimes and to vent when you had a crappy day.

"Then she'll come back, she loves you" I pat his back and he weakly smiled at me. I hope she'll come back because I can see how Alex really loves her, "She's just nervous or scared" I gave him a reassuring smile and we fell into a comfortable silence. I don't know what to tell him because I didn't really get the chance to know Kara not because I don't want to but Alex and I stopped talking after we broke up. He stopped messaging me months after while I try to move on from his touch, his laugh, and his captivating smiles. Plus, it's awkward.

Sometimes, I imagine that we're married now with a little one running around. A little Alex or little me but I rejected him. He's my first love, the one who made me understand a lot of things but I still managed to broke his precious heart just because I'm afraid of marriage. The night before he proposed to me, I stumbled upon this site where people write about their feelings, and that time I don't know what being broken-hearted felt like.

I was scared, scared that I will just wake up one day completely out of love and stuck inside a marriage that I'm not happy to be in.

"Look he's proposing" He pointed at the guy kneeling with something in his hand. The girl in front of him nodded and they shared a passionate kiss. I shook my head as the guy stumbled when the girl threw herself in his arms.

"Congrats!" Alex shouted and they just woo-ed at the both of us with their thumbs-up. They sat on this table for two that's surrounded by petals of red roses. My jaw dropped when I saw how beautiful the fireworks light up the dark sky, mostly red and pink ones.

I looked at Alex when I heard him laugh, I probably looked like an idiot again. I just love fireworks so much.

"Why didn't you come last time? We bought a lot even the flowery ones" He said and imitated the shape of the fireworks with his hand. I bit my lip, not sure if I should tell her about what happened with Jade that night, "Didn't feel like going" I shrugged and he ruffled my blonde hair.

"We're supposed to watch fireworks that night but I just gave it away" He faked a laugh as he looked at me. I know it's my fault that he's hurting. We planned our future together and suddenly I just backed out, I didn't explain to him why. I just said I don't want to and that I don't deserve him.

I met his soulful brown eyes but I didn't have the same butterflies as before. I just know that he's still hurting from what I did and I blame myself for that. He doesn't deserve any of that and I never said a proper sorry or even goodbye to him. I just left him clueless like a child.