On paper, Pete and Valentina are perfect for each other. Their friends used 'soulmates' when describing them and at one point they were. As they reflect on the last five years of their relationship, they try to understand the complexity of their lov...
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Golden rays peeped through the curtains, softly brightening the room with natural light. Birds chirping and tweeting happily on this pleasant day.
The girl in the small apartment looked terrible. She hadn't slept at all last night, not with the tossing and turning she did. Her mind was noisy, the voices hurling insults and humiliating her which kept her up for the past night--- actually, scratch that, for several months.
Catching her reflection in the mirror, she didn't like what she saw. She hardly recognized herself: prominent dark circles, hollowed out cheeks, a bony figure. She turned away from the mirror, disgusted and ashamed at what was reflected back to her.
Sniffling, she bit her lip harshly. She would not allow herself to cry, she had to be strong. The taste of copper appeared, her broken skin spilling out blood. The physical pain she felt lessened the psychological pain which comforted her.
Put the phone away, make sure the TV is off, and avoid newsstands, she thought repeatedly in her head as if she were reciting a mantra.
Once she collected herself, she dug through her closet to find an outfit. Soon the floor became covered with every single garment that Valentina owned.
This is so fucking stupid, I'm just getting dressed for work. They're only clothes, it doesn't matter--- just choose something already, she thought.
She picked up the clothes again and found a couple items she liked. Then doubt resurfaced again and she threw them back at the floor angrily. It didn't matter what she wore because they'll find a way to judge the way she looked. She could wear a trash bag and be told that she couldn't pull it off.
She remembered the paparazzi pictures of her and what the press did with them. Criticizing every detail of her physical appearance, demeaning and belittling her. Of course there were some pieces published that were very kind and thoughtful, but not everyone had the same viewpoint as them.
Valentina knew what she was getting into when her and Pete went public. She was positive that she could handle it, she had to. She promised that she would stick it out and follow through.
But it became too much:
The tabloids said this about her. Stop reading headlines, he said.
This magazine called her this. Ignore them, he advised.
Social media posted this. Don't take it seriously, he said.
Valentina wanted to disappear. Go somewhere where no one would come up to her to ask if she's Pete Davidson's girlfriend. To a place where she can cherish and take advantage of anonymity, something she took for granted.
Or is she thinking about time? To go back to the time where her existence didn't matter. Like the time before she met Pete. Is that a terrible thing to think of? To want?
She recalled the conversation she had with her close friend from several years ago.
"How did you cope with John?" Valentina asked.
Anna looks up from her sketchbook and squinted at her, "What do you mean?"
"When John became more popular, how did you handle the attention?"
Anna thought for a moment before she answered, "People like John and Pete can't control what happens to them on a daily routine. They can't control if there twenty photographers hiding in the bushes, taking pictures of you and him, prying into the privacy of your personal life. Nor can they control what they will write about you. Loving them comes at a cost and that cost is the comfort of a normal relationship."
Desperate for guidance, Valentina asks, "What do I do then?"
"It's the not most sage advice and it's quite harsh, just learn to accept it Val."
But she couldn't.
She wouldn't.
She won't accept what the negative thoughts in her head say about her or what the media says make her out to be: a dancer trapped to be in the background never to take the lead, someone who follows in his stride instead of side by side, the girl whose career will never take off and requires a man like him of his status to get by.
She couldn't handle it anymore.
The front door swung open and she knew it was Pete who had just arrived.
In the pit of her stomach, she knew what she had to do and she did not like that at all.
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y'all, i have a psych exam tomorrow and here i am updating.
and if you are reading this, i hope you happy, healthy, and thriving.
pls know that you matter and if you need to talk to someone, i'm here to listen.
