Lovers

Part 15: A Lifetime

Puzzled.

Speechless.

Confused beyond measure.

Narcissa looks at Draco, heavy hearted and lost.

"A...a lifetime? What do you mean a life time? Last night you said you and Hermione were going to have children."

"I did...but..." He stares at his hands- a slight shake to them- before looking back up at his mother. "But... I don't."

"Don't what? Want children?" He doesn't need to answer for her to know what he would say. "Why say you will then?"

She stands up, frustrated and betrayed. She doesn't understand her son's contradicting ways.

"Hermione wants children. You said you want children. I don't understand."

"I do want children, Mum....but I don't need them." He says honestly.

"You need to explain to me your logic because as I see it- there is none."

"Hermione and I are happy. We are very happy. Just her and I. We both want kids- she doesn't want to wait and I do and...I don't want them..." She sits beside him and looks at him closely. "I'm...I'm scared of losing her, Mum."

"Huh...the chances of Hermione dying in childbirth is very low considering the time we live in..."

"No! I mean losing her!"

"To what?"

"The baby!" He bursts like an angry child who just wants to be heard. She stares at her son, who's face has gone bright red.

"Draco."

"If we have a baby, we won't be happy. Not together. She won't need me. Want me anymore. She'll have something she's always wanted and why would she need me? Why would she want me around when she has a baby to love and adore. To watch grow and have photo albums and sing songs too- make their life wonderful! What about me?!" He cries and Narcissa looks down. She knows why he thinks this way.

He's seen it with his parents.

He's seen how Narcissa loves him more than his father.

"Draco, Hermione will love her child. And you will too." She sets the book down on the bed and goes to him. "But she will love you as much as she does now. That won't change unless you give her reason too."

"I don't want to be second to anyone when it comes to her! I am her world now! I want to be her world until we leave this one!" He kicks over a box and the contents fall out.

"Enough! You're acting like a spoiled brat." She growls and he puts his head down and stares at the carpet. "I understand why you feel that's the way life goes- but it's not. Love- true love isn't selfish and...and one sided. You can't determine what your marriage to Hermione will be based off of mine and your Father's. We never wanted to marry, Draco."

He knows this, but it still hurts.

"We never wanted to marry or have children together because we didn't love each other. He needed an heir and I needed a pureblood husband to have pureblood children. He and I have nothing in common, and though at times we both may have felt something- it was more about business and duty than true love and romance. Now- we love you. I love you. I poured my life and efforts into raising you because you were my child and if I had loved your father before you- I would love him after. But I don't. That has nothing to do with you."

His shoulders slump downward and hers do as well.

"I can see how much you and Hermione mean to each other. How much love is there. But that love won't be second to a child or third or fourth. Because love- family love is one level. You will love your child, but you won't love them any more or less than you love Hermione. Same way for her and you. She will need you, Draco." She tears up at the memories of how lonely she felt carrying Draco and how alone she ways the night he was born. "She will want you there- always. To help her keep going, to cheer her on when she feels she has nothing left to give- when her strength has left her bringing your child into this world. She will need you. The kind of man you are will determine if she wants you or not. Being selfish and self centered and childish....she'll need you, but she may not want you. If your father was half the man you are when he was your age and I was carrying you...maybe your life would have been a happier one. Where your father's love was more than just a glower and disappointed snarls. Don't be your father, Draco. Because then you will lose Hermione."