The Undetermined Outside

Chapter Seventeen

*Y/n POV*

I can't begin to explain how nice it was to have a visitor, even if it was just my former Captain coming to scoop up his cadet. After they finally disappeared into the horizon I corralled all of the pups back into the house. I went back into  the kitchen to pour them a few bowls of water and to take care of the dishes from our beverages. I placed the plate of cookies back into their original container. He must've enjoyed the tea, his cup was emptied of its contents.

Talking to him made me feel like a real person. I'm not just someone's daughter and I am not just a member of the military when I was talking to him. It felt awesome to just have a casual conversation with another human being with no expectations. I wish we could've kept talking, but now I need to tend to my dad again.

I opened up the door to the only room in the loft and found him sipping on the water I had put on his nightstand.  He smiled at me and I saw his eyes light up while he gulped away. "Sorry, honey. I was so thirsty. I have a question for Jean, could you grab him for me?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, the Captain came by and picked him up. It's just the two of us again." I smiled at him while I felt my smile falter for a split second.

"I see. Well, at least that gives us more time to catch up on everything from the past few years. I want to know everything you've done." His smile was so full of joy. I am so happy to see that look on his face.

But, despite this, I still don't feel whole, I know where I want to be. I would never tell my dad that I wish I were still out there with them. Despite that sour feeling I feel in the pit of my stomach, I need to keep going forward.and from now on, I definitely need to change my attitude while I'm here.

"I'm excited for that, but you know we have to focus on you too, right?" I questioned as I threw my hands on my hips in my best 'mom' impersonation, "The doctor is coming by tomorrow and he said that if everything is healing well, we can start you walking with crutches."

I followed his eyes as he looked down at the missing part of his leg. I didn't ask him how it happened, because I didn't want to push him to relive it too soon. He nodded, and I helped him up to use the restroom. We got him down the stairs pretty smoothly, I have had some practice the last few days.

When he was all set I got him back to the kitchen to seat him at the table. "I smelled cookies earlier. Do you have anymore?" I rolled my eyes at him; he's had a great nose for as long as I can remember. He also didn't know that I had just put them away after Levi had left. I pulled the cookies back out of their container and re-plated them and set them on the table by him.

"Do you want anything to eat?"

"No thanks, dear. I'm still full from that breakfast you made me. I swear, you're trying to fatten me up."

"Well we need to get back to your normal self." I smiled at him, I poured him some milk to go with the cookies in front of him, but asked him something before leaving, "I'm going to go get some fresh air. Do you want to go to the sitting area?"

"Yeah, I think I'd like that."

I threw his arm over my shoulder and helped him over to his favorite seat. I ran back to the kitchen and grabbed his food and drink. Once he was settled in I grabbed him a blanket to toss over his lap, a stool to rest his legs on, and a book that he hasn't read in a while. I smiled at his cozy appearance and went to my room to change into some more comfortable clothes.

After I was redressed I walked past my dad, hugged him from above, and went outside with my four legged squad. I didn't tell my dad what I was doing out there because I didn't need to hear his concern.

I am going to continue my training. I want to keep my muscles strong and I want to maintain the energy that I have. Regardless of what I have going on for me in the future, I know that the me that I had grown into in the last few years was someone I was proud to be. I know I don't have any ODM gear or even a horse, but I can at least work on my body.

I think I'm going to go on a jog into town. It's a couple kilometers away, so that would be a good run to get in. As soon as I started my run, the big dogs started following along with and the littles kept going for a little bit but quickly ran back to the house. I could feel my heart rate starting up and it feels amazing. The air was becoming cooler with the setting summer sun and I was finally in my element.

As soon as I was in the groove I caught my mind wandering to other things. For some reason, my mind went to Jean's flirty attitude that I had to deal with on and off the last half week. He obviously didn't know how to flirt, that much was clear. But despite that, when he grabbed onto my ass I felt my breath catch both times.

He's not aware that despite me hugging my friends and family, I am not familiar with any other kind of physical touch. I've never kissed someone so I've definitely never felt someone's body the way he touched me. I hate to admit it to myself, but I loved the touch. Don't care for the man, but at eighteen I am ready to try and experience things.

I am so tired of being the quiet girl from the small town no one had ever heard of. I'm going to show everyone that I am here to stay and that I am strong. I deserve to feel love and I deserve to be recognized for the accomplishments that I have and hope to achieve.