Ablaze |Season 2| (Under Revision)

Chapter 65

FERISH

I HONESTLY EXPECTED that something bad will happen today, but I didn't expect that Octavia will find out that she has a twin.

I am walking my way out of the dorm, away from her because she wished for it. Ayaw niya akong makita. I do not want to aggravate her even more, so I decided to leave because I might suffocate her. Ayokong dagdagan pa ang galit niya. I saw how bad she was hurt, so I do not want to add any more pain.

I am walking like there is an endless path for me, walking into nowhere and feeling lost in the midst of darkness. Hindi ko alam kung saan ako patungo. Basta, sumunod ako sa kan'ya na lumayo ako sa kan'ya at 'wag magpakita. Ayokong masaktan siya lalo kapag nakita ako.

Wala akong maramdaman. I feel numb. Nalilito ako sa nangyayari. Paano naging ganito? It is my fault. Heavens and Hell, this is my fault.

I visited her grave earlier. Si Lee. Nakita niya siguro ako doon sa sementeryo kaya niya nalaman na may kambal siya. My family practices early marriage as a part of our tradition, yes. It was not my wish, but a responsibility to keep the family ties with the other family. But, the family of Quinsley saved me from that responsibility by letting me marry their daughter.

Napahawak ako sa ulo at pagak na natawa habang naglalakad. My hands are trembling. Ang bigat ng pakiramdam sa loob ng dibdib ko. Naramdaman kong basa ang pisngi ko kaya napahawak ako ro'n. I didn't notice that I am crying. My tears keeps on pouring out from my eyes like an endless stream. Hindi ko alam. Wala akong maramdaman. I feel so numb that it frustrates me because I should be dying out of agony now.

She wants me gone.

She does not want to see me. Not even a glimpse of me. Nakita ko kung gaano siya kagalit, kaya naiintindihan ko. Nakita ko ang sakit sa mga mata niya. Nakita ko kung paano siya umiyak sa harapan ko. It was enough to crush me into pieces, to see her cry.

She was right, that I had all the chance to tell her something. Pero, hindi ba't sinabi ko rin naman sa kan'ya noon? I will still choose to do this even if she happen to hate me and deem myself to be someone so selfish just to keep her.

I do not regret not telling her anything because this is the choice that I will keep on choosing if given another chance to live this moment... but I didn't want it to end like this. I stand with my words, that I will still choose to keep everything away from her, so she can, even for a little while, live a normal and happy life.

I walked endlessly. Her words keeps on ringing inside my head, and her pained expression never leaves my mind. She was gravely hurt and I am the reason.

This is what I've been trying to keep from her. It was the painful truth... that haunted us once more.

I looked up at the black vast sky... it was endless and dark, like my agony. Stars didn't even shine for me this night.

It is not Rylee that I love. It has always been Octavia. I never loved anyone but her.

Rylee, her twin, died in my arms years ago because of the conflict between the Organizations we belong with. Namatay siya sa harapan ko mismo. I wasn't able to save her. Nandoon ako nung nawala siya.

Namalayan ko ang sariling nakarating doon sa bahay na inuupahan ko. Ang layo pala ng nalakad ko. Pumasok ako sa loob at dumiretso sa kwarto kahit na wala pa rin akong maramdaman bukod sa bigat sa buong katawan ko. Hindi na ako nagbukas ng ilaw at hinayaan na manatili sa dilim. I love the darkness. It is a home for me.

I laid myself lifelessly on the bed and stared at the ceiling. Hinayaan ko ang sarili na mahiga at walang maramdaman. I savoured the emptiness in my chest. Hindi niya man lang pinalagpas ang araw na 'to. I knew it. Something bad will happen, and today must be the worst one.