Ablaze |Season 2| (Under Revision)

Chapter 66

OCTAVIA

WHY IS SHE bleeding?

Nanghihinang sumandal ako sa kotse ko at napahilamos sa mukha. I want to cry again. I feel so miserable. She was really in pain, but I still pushed her away to not hear any more of her words. I no longer want to believe anything from her, but it hurts even more. The pain is only getting worse.

I do love her. I love her still, but that is not an excuse for me to disrespect myself again. It is not something that is easy to remove.

It hurts a lot. It is excruciating because I love her more than I hate her for the betrayal.

I do not know what to do. I feel so lost. I am affected with what happened to her. Why is she bleeding? Why... is it because of me? Kasalanan ko ba 'yon? Am I the reason why she is physically unwell?

My heart feels heavy. The immense pain is creeping in my flesh like a poison. It prevents me to breathe the way I want to. It is slowly destroying my sanity. I am mad at her, but I still want to be with her.

The stress is killing me. Dumagdag pa 'yung Haji na gusto akong kausapin pero ayoko sa kan'ya. That man feels so fake. He was arrogant and he keeps on telling me that I belong to him.

I belong to no one.

I groaned in pain and annoyance. Gusto kong magwala. Gusto kong may gawin. Hindi ako mapakali. I want to release this frustration in an unsightly way. I do not know what to do. Ferish's heart is not healthy... did I just shatter it? Am I the reason why she's hurt, physically?

Tapos ngayon ay malalaman ko pala na birthday niya. I honestly didn't know that it's today. I broke her heart at her own birthday where she should be able to enjoy her day. Kaya pala sinabi niya kahapon na pakiramdam niya ay may masamang mangyayari ngayon.

Is this my fault? Is everything my fault? She was the one who kept an important secret from me... then why am I suffering this much?

Everyone of them hide a secret from me when I freaking deserved to know it, even my own family. Everyone. I feel so betrayed. I wasn't able to sleep out of pain. I couldn't stand it.

Hindi ko na alam. I can feel my tears again, but I suppressed myself from crying. Ayoko na umiyak ulit. I am weak against these feelings. I am not certain how to handle everything at once. The only person I can run to, is gone. She betrayed me as well.

How can I listen to her? Is she even going to tell the truth? How can I believe anyone now?

I breathed shakily and composed myself again. Pinunasan ko ang luha na nangingilid sa mga mata ko at tumayo nang maayos. I am fine.

"You can survive," I whispered to myself. I am drowning in pain, and only I can save myself. "T-This is nothing. I can survive," I convinced myself... because I only have myself.

I walked my way inside the gym where the opening ceremony will start. It is a big event today, especially us, fourth year students. This is our last play.

I took a glance over my wrist watch and it's already seven-thirty. Mag-uumpisa na. I noticed the students around, wearing their respective uniforms to represent their university and sports. They are still wandering around, looking amazed at this university.

They are looking at me with a clear adoration in their eyes, but I didn't bother giving them any attention. Some were greeting me with cheerful smiles and happy faces, and I can't do the same. I cannot even speak because my tears might fall.

I am doubting everything, especially myself.

The doubts, fears, and uncertainties... triggered all the iniquitous monsters inside my head. They are now awake. They are crumbling the little sanity I have left, and I just want to hide from everyone. I want to hide again and shut everyone out of my life.