More or less than friends

Chapter 2- confusion

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Clay's POV

I stayed on call to Sapnap for a little while after George left, but wasn't really focusing properly on the conversation and eventually just left claiming I had other things to do.

In reality I was just sat unsurely at my desk, staring at the now blank monitor and getting lost in my own thoughts.

George had been fine, even enthusiastic the entire time. And then quickly his voice had grown smaller, and when glancing at the stream I realised his face was not only flushed but somewhat anxious as he looked between chat and his game. 

But what about?

 Just as George had left the call, I was sure I heard a slight break in his voice, and it made my heart ache - though I still wasn't quite sure why. Everything had been completely fine, but then I made the joke and it all seemed to falter. It was so strange, and at the time I really couldn't understand what could have made my friend so upset other than my own comment. 

But why would it?? 

Jokes such as this were exchanged between us all the time. Flirting, random comments and even mentions of something sexual were thrown about every stream, and it had always been something they were all OK with. Something completely casual. 'Dreamnotfound' was a thing, the internet was filled with fanart and fics of me dating my best friend. And I had literally no issue with it.

Does it make him uncomfortable? Is it weird to flirt with him?

Soon I found myself re-watching the stream clip, seeing George's reaction to my words over and over again. It certainly seemed different to his usual eye-roll and giggle, and even MORE strangely, the brunette looked more distraught after me assuring him that it was only a joke. 

Was that the wrong thing to say?? Did it make me sound like a weirdo?

The clip was played again and again, my eyes staring at moving pixels, searching for any other cause to the sudden end of the stream. Unfortunately, none was found. The only thing that happened that could have possibly led to George'sudden absence remained my joky words;

'Oh come on, George. Give in."

After so many times of hearing it, I really knew that it wasn't half as bad as other stuff we've said. I mean sure, it was weird, but virtually nothing compared to other remarks and such we've said while streaming before. 

But I was sure that the small breaks in George's voice weren't natural ones, and it kinda scared me. I always hated it when he got upset- we've been best friends for so long and the thought that I could've saddened him weighed on my mind. After having so much trouble with losing people, I didn't want it to happen with the boy I loved so much.

The thoughts of panic rushing through my head almost hurt, and it took almost half an hour to calm myself down enough to go to bed.

I was unable to sleep without any noise in the background; silence making the emptiness of my shitty apartment all too noticeable. There was never anyone else there, my only friends being online.

 Honestly so many people wish they could make similar content to me and live my life, but I'd give it all up if it meant I didn't have to keep being so fucking lonely.

 The grass is always greener I guess. I longed for company every day, deprived of human interaction, and it hurt me. It hurt how quiet and dull my life was, the only conversation being through a microphone, the closest I could ever get to talking 1 on 1 being with a screen. Even then it wouldn't be any good, because the idea of showing anyone my face scared me to death.

Imagine if I showed them and they're disgusted by me?? Or think I'm ugly like I do? What if I'm underwhelming? What if....

But I tried my best to be optimistic, and refused to let myself focus on the bad things- at least for now.

Box it all up and save it for another time. 

 I shuffled my playlist of my favourite songs, snuggling up next to the cat, Patches. My hands stroked her smooth brown fur and I smiled at the soft purrs I got in response.

 At least I have her.

And as I finally drifted into sleep, a dream snuck its way into my head. 

A dream of a small man with dark hair and cinnamon coloured eyes. A man with a cute voice coated in British accent, a man that blushed at my touch and gave into my kisses. 

What a lovely dream that was- and what a shame that it was forgotten the moment I woke up.

(806 words)

Ok, I'm starting to get more into the story. Please vote if you enjoyed. By the way, I make a LOT of edits, and I just changed this entire chapter from third person to first. Just don't get confused lol