More or less than friends

Chapter 20- telling you

A/N- lemme just start by saying I'm not doing too good right now. My self image is absolutely terrible and I threw up for the first time in ages the other day. I still love writing and am really enjoying this book, but honestly I was so hoping I was getting better and I'm not. Thank you so much for the support it makes me rly happy for once :)

Clay's POV

We spent the rest of that day unpacking George's things- putting his clothes in the wardrobe, his toothbrush and deodorant away, his coat by the door. By 9pm we were done and he was quite tired. 

"I'm just gonna get us something to eat" I said as I walked into the kitchen, already hearing him follow me. The short brunette walked in with a pout, looking up at me with big brown eyes. "Clayyy" he said, lengthening out the word and shuffling over to me, "can I please just go to bed?" I knew what he meant, he didn't want to eat anything but also didn't want to upset me by just falling asleep. Anxiety filled my chest and I bit my lip, thinking.

"George..you haven't eaten anything today or yesterday and you're tiny. I'm gonna make one plate of food and help you eat it, ok?" It was the best I could come up with. He looked up at me pleadingly for a second but gave up when I didn't look away. "Go and get comfy sitting on the bed, I'll come in a minute" in response he nodded, attempting a smile before wandering off. Worry filled my mind as I put randomly selected things on a plate: ham & cheese sandwiches, two small bags of crisps, breadsticks and some leftover pasta with sauce. 

The door to my room was open so I walked in to see George curled up in the corner of my bed, hugging a green cushion and covered in the duvet. My heart softened at the sight of his face, noticing him staring at the food as if it was poisoned. Carefully I positioned myself beside him and handed him a small piece of a sandwich.

"Clay I can't" he muttered, staring at the thing in his hand.

"You can Georgie, please try-"

"Clay I can't. It's not the same as before" my stomach dropped slightly and I gestured for him to continue, "If I eat once I'll eat everything. And then I'll want more. I can't, Clay, I-I can't." His voice cracked and I felt tears fill my eyes at how pained he sounded.

"What do you mean? Why would you eat all of it?" I was trying my best to stay calm, levelling my eyes with his.

"Because- because I have to. I get.. I get h-hungry and then guilty an-and it all goes..out it-I always have to get it out" now he was struggling to speak so I took the food away to place his hands in my own. George was still stuttering and crying; I pulled him against me. My chin rested on his soft hair while his tears landed on my chest. After a minute of him silently crying I tried again, "What do you mean get it out?"

There was no reply for a minute, just small hands clenching and unclenching in my shirt material.

"Its...Its called bulimia, I- throw up.." he managed, and then I remembered. I'd heard about bulimia a while ago, my friends sister had been struggling with it and he ended up telling me everything. She'd eat loads of food without being able to stop, then an insane guilt would take over her and, long story short, she'd force herself to throw up. George didn't want to eat the sandwich because he was afraid that he'd end up taking everything. I was about to say something when he started trying to explain so I stroked his hair and hushed the small voice.

"You're ok. I know what it is. I won't force you to eat today, but you'll have to eventually and I'm here to help you, ok?" he nodded and I kissed him on the top of the head, getting under the covers too. The light outside was almost gone, dark orange light spilling through the windows. 

The little brunette infront of me was in a normal position, doing a normal thing. But the amber glow shining across his damp face made him look angelic. His soft brown hair had overgrown quite a bit and it looked so fluffy right now. His usually pale skin had a bit of a tan to it from all the lovely weather and a light sunburn covered his cheeks and nose. It was like a permanent blush, though I realised that this usually existed regardless of the continuous sun we had.

"You're really pretty" I muttered without thinking- but had no problem with what I said. Those chocolate caramel eyes opened slowly to meet mine and when they did they were filled with only love and peace. I wrapped my arms around him, kissing his forehead gently. Then I proceeded to kiss him on the cheek, jawline, neck, and eventually lips. He giggled into my mouth, wrapping his legs around my waist and his arms around my neck. Care and happiness overtook me, the small frame pressed against mine meant the world to me.

"I love you so much Clay" he whispered once he had pulled away and rested his head on the pillow to look at me. A small smile grew on his gorgeous face and his legs and arms tightened around me.

"God I love you too. Everything about you George you have no idea. I'd give up so much for you to be happy and realise how amazing you are. I couldn't stop loving you if it was to save my life, and I wanna help you beat your insecurities because you might as well be a God. You're insanely perfect, I can barely wrap my head around it. Nothing in this world holds more value to me than being able to hold you in my arms and tell you how I feel. I love you." Words spilled out of my mouth as if planned, and wide brown eyes stared up at me in amazed happiness. Tears were spilling down my face at this point and we just held each other, the sun gone now, in my bed in my room in my apartment. Perfectly content as long as we had each other.

Perfectly content because we do.