More or less than friends

Chapter 13- truths

George's POV

We sat there talking for over half an hour. I stayed sat on Clay's lap, his long fingers combing through my hair as I admitted all I had felt towards him for the past 2 years. All the love, worry, fear, confusion. Everything happy and everything sad, everything important and all the silly little details. He let me spill it all out, listening and holding me close. Even after my mind got used to this position my stomach didn't calm down, it fluttered every time I felt Clay's breath against my neck. Every time I felt his hand brush my cheek, or a finger ran down my spine. Whenever I got slightly carried away with my emotions he would stroke circles on my back until I calmed down again, whispering gently into my ear. Telling me it was ok. 

It's ok.

This moment had been something I had imagined over and over for years, just getting rid of all my secrets until I was free of them. Hours had been spent wondering what Clay would say, what he'd do, what he'd think, what he'd feel. But when Clay asked me "what would you want my reaction to be?" I didn't really know what to say. Because in the months I'd spent wishing and picturing, there hadn't been ONE fake scenario where it went perfectly. It was all negative. And now I had told Clay, and he knew, and it was....well, I didn't really know what it was yet.

"I just let the feelings take over me, and for once it was something positive that didn't necessarily have to be pushed away. So I gripped it, held it as tight as I could, and now that I have it and recognize it for what it is I.....well, I.." The sentence was easy until the end. My voice stuttered and broke, my eyes grew damp and my hands grew shaky. "What if I've ruined our friendship?" spoke my small voice, staring down into my lap. 

And then the tears finally fell, and the sobs finally came. All of the fear, sadness, anger, confusion and self hate burst out all in one. All of it, incased in a small whimper and a cry of hurt into the fabric of Clay's hoodie. It muffled them enough so that the two upstairs wouldn't have been able to hear, but it was still loud and sorrowful.

"I'm....I'm just s-so t-tired of it, I don't understand my own f-feelings.." I gasped through sobs. "I've felt like this for- for so long, and no one's even NOTICED, I've just been ignored, or abandoned, or alone, because none of them listened and now you've heard and you've listened and now it's all just- it all just gonna go.."

"Hey, " cut through the voice that had replayed in my mind for weeks on end, "it's ok, we're alright. You're ok George. It's not just you. I know what you mean. I know how you feel. I get it. Really, truly, I get it." The tone was smooth and comforting, and his strong arms wrapped even tighter around me as he spoke.

"B-but how would you know..? When-when have you ever felt like this?" I mumbled, my voice still shaking.  Clay brought his hands to my cheeks, bringing my face to meet his and staring straight into my eyes. For the second time the gap between our lips closed, encasing me in a warmth and happiness I had never experienced before. 

This kiss wasn't the same as before, because instead of it being the heat of the moment it was an understanding, an agreement. We both filled it with all of the care we had for one another, trying our best to show the other how much they mean. It was passionate, beautiful, and oh so perfect. 

When I pulled away, blushing furiously, Clay grinned and stroked my cheek with his thumb. Before I started rambling again he spoke softly yet firmly, staring into my eyes and what felt like my soul.

"I get it, George, I do. You don't need to try and explain or make something up, ok? I know."

For once, my brain was calm. Those golden green eyes were all that I needed, in that moment they were all that there was. He got it, he understood, he knows.

"So...you..you feel the same?" I asked as carefully as I could, not wanting to overstep or make everything collapse on me. Clay rolled his eyes slightly and grinned.

"George, I kissed you twice. Twice. Of course I feel the same, you idiot."

"Well...that's good then."

"Yeah."

"Yeah."

Yeah.

(773 words)

I rlly liked writing this chapter, but don't worry this book is not ending. There's SO much that still needs to happen. Sorry for taking a while, mother dearest has hidden the laptop so I'm writing on my iPad, it sucks and is much slower. Please vote if you enjoyed.

If you're reading this ily <3 :)