King of the Darkest Stars (EXO Kai ff)

Chapter Nineteen

I forgot my dream as soon as I woke up.

My heart was beating in my ears.

It was an annoying feeling to feel the lack of control I had over my own mind. I wanted back those memories my mind had created for me. I felt robbed and emptier for it. Kai shifted and I opened my eyes, realising where I was.

My head was on his chest. It was his heart I was hearing. My arms were wrapped around him; one arm completely trapped beneath him. His arm was wrapped around my shoulders. My leg was thrown carelessly across his, as if I had discarded it in the night. I slowly started to move my leg off of him but he shifted and his eyes started to move.

So I closed mine.

Better for him to deal with the situation than for me to deal with it.

I heard the shift in breath as he woke up. His grip on my shoulder loosened. It took everything in me not to burst into laughter at the awkwardness he must be feeling. The awkwardness I no longer had to feel.

I waited for him to move my off of him and get up but he didn't. Was he going to pretend to be asleep too? Would we be stuck in an endless cycle of pretending to sleep until one of us finally just got up? I felt him shift and I nearly let out a sound of relief.

He didn't move me off of him.

He pushed the hair back from my face and tucked it behind my ear. He let out a small sigh of resignation. What was this sudden change? What was this moment of secret affection he was giving to me?

I'd have thought it was some sort of strange joke if he didn't think I was sleeping. He was doing this thinking I would never know. I couldn't help but be curious why. Why when he hated me he was...

How deep did his hatred run?

His hand met my face again and this time he slowly ran his fingers through his hair in the kind of motion I figured he would save for our wolf. He still hadn't touched U-jin. Or named him. He couldn't be U-jin forever or else he would actually start to respond to that name.

His touch was soft and light, like he was slowly painting in the minute details of a forest scene in a painting. It was serene and calming and I wasn't stopping him. I should stop him. I should wake up and get mad. I should blame it all on him and walk out.

Instead I fell back asleep.

...

When I woke up he was gone.

I shivered and stood up, stretching out and then regretting it as the cold air washed over me. I looked over at the melted candle and glared at it.

"It's your fault," I muttered to it angrily. I grabbed my dressing gown off the wall and wrapped it around myself. I went to the door and found it cracked open. I pushed it open and paused. Kai was sitting cross legged face-to-face with wolf U-jin. I leaned against the doorway and watched as Kai tilted his head. U-jin mimicked the movement. Kai's lips split apart and a grin broke across his face. I felt my breath hitch. He had never smiled that big to me before. He had never seemed so genuine and free like this before. He held out his arms and U-jin ran into them.

"Hello Chingu, my friend." He kissed the top of the wolf's head and Chingu looked up at him and jumped up to kiss him back. He lifted up the small cub and turned him to face the wall. He pointed up at my painting.

"You see that, Chingu?" He laughed playfully. "Your mommy thinks I'm a monster. What do you think? Am I going to eat you up alive?"

He made playful growling sounds and kissed Chingu's stomach repeatedly as if he were the terrible monster I'd painted him out to be. I rolled my eyes and walked over to my wardrobe.