King of the Darkest Stars (EXO Kai ff)

Chapter Thirty Two

I heard a guttural shout come from Kai.

I tried to stop the bleeding with my hands but the wound in my back was bleeding as well. I collapsed onto my knees. I looked up at Kai. The soldiers noticed their dead king and were frozen in uncertainty. He dropped his sword and the soldiers did nothing to stop him as he ran to me.

"Get help!" He screamed at the unmoving soldiers. No one moved. I didn't expect them to.

"There's so much blood." I showed him my shaking hand and fell backwards. He grabbed me and cradled me against him. He held his hands over my wound and tears started filling his eyes.

"They've entered the castle. They'll be here soon. Just hang on." It was getting harder to breathe and I felt... tired. "Stay awake. You have to stay awake."

"This-" I coughed and blood specked my hand. "This is payback for the lake."

"Then you have to stay alive long enough to torture me about it." His voice was pleading despite the sarcastic meaning behind the words. He was begging me to fight.

"I don't think I'm strong enough to say something honourable," I made a wheezing sound that was intended to be a laugh. "I don't want to die, Kai. Please... don't let me die."

Kai was crying harder now and he pressed his forehead to mine. I put my hand on his neck, holding him closer to me. I was starting to feel scared.

It was sort of like whenever my mother would make me perform for people. The stress in the moments leading up to the performance, pacing violently back and forth behind a red velvet curtain, unsure of what was behind it and what that would mean for me. The difference is once I passed the curtain I would fall into the familiar routine of plucking the strings of the gayageum and letting my voice guide my timing. I didn't know what happened if I fell asleep. There wasn't going to be a light applause or a standing ovation.

I did not know where a girl who killed their father went after death.

"I won't let you die," Kai whispered. His soft voice was loud enough to draw me from my mind. "I promise you won't die."

His tears were falling onto my face and down my chin, intermingling with my own. I don't think I would have cried if he didn't. Maybe I would have. I don't know. I realised my words had been cruel. Even if I meant them, I needed to take them back. My hope was wearing thin with my will to stay awake.

"It's okay," I cleared my throat and Kai moved his head back and searched my eyes for my sudden change in mood. "I killed him. I'm finally free and it proved.. Proved I'm not so useless after all. I can die if it means we win, if you get your kingdom back. If you're safe."

"Stop - stop talking like that. You were never useless. You're not going to die." HIs voice was shaking and he wasn't looking at me with any confidence.

"Stop crying then," I managed to tease him. "You're worse than I am."

"I'm not crying." He hiccupped on a sob as he spat out his lie.

"I think I wanted you too much," I raised my hand to his cheek and blinked away my tears. "I think I started to want you so much that it hurt and it became a temptation too great for fate to handle. I wanted a future with you so bad that I trapped myself in a fate where it was impossible. Please be happy."

Each word drew me closer and closer to sleep, syphoning away my energy drop by drop by drop, until I felt my eyelids drooping. Kai shook me.

"Stay awake," he commanded. "You have to keep your eyes open."

I had spent so much time hating Kai, fearing him, thinking he was a monster. There were so many things we hadn't done, so many things we hadn't said to each other. I knew he cared about me. I knew he was one of the only people left in the entire realm that cared about me. I loved making him mad. I loved the look of annoyance in his eyes when I always sided with Nari. I loved the shake of head when I'd gone out of my way to go against his wishes. I loved the fire in his eyes when he thought he'd won and caught me. I loved the soft moments when there was no one but us and the hatred and the anger turned to something desperate and aching.

It was that word. Love. Meant but unsaid. Hanging in the air between us, unspoken but silently acknowledged. I didn't have time for him to look up to see it had been hanging there all along. I didn't know if he loved me. Not in the way I loved him. This marriage wasn't his choice. I had certainly caused more trouble than I was worth, but the look in his tear-ridden eyes showed cared enough to at least let me say it.

Just once.

"Kai..." He leaned forward, but his face was already blurring.

So much wasted time.