Haikyuu one shots

Stressed (my feelings... i guess)

This chapter may be a mess because it isn't anything Haikyuu, this is how I've been feeling this week. Just so I can let it out.

I was just sitting in class, so why was it so draining? I couldn't seem to focus on anything the teacher was saying, it was all so dull. The sky was a bright blue, so why did it feel so cloudy?

When I got home my mom greeted me and I nodded and went to my room. I flopped on my bed and felt all my emotions settle. I had no idea what they meant, I felt sad, angry, frustrated, and calm all at the same time. I didn't know how to let it all out so I just squeezed my pillow.

I looked at my phone and saw no notifications, I looked at the time and saw it was at least 11:30 pm. Where did the day even go? It felt like there was a pit in my stomach, I wanted a hug, but I just got one from my mom so why do I feel like this? I wrapped my arms around myself and it barely helped, but it made me feel at least a little better.

It was at least two am, I felt so suffocated by my own emotions. Why couldn't I just live life freely like I did less than a year ago. When did it all go wrong? What happened? Why couldn't I just not think. My mind was racing around in circles, nothing made sense, nothing mattered, but at the same time every tiny thing mattered. I felt like screaming but couldn't, not because it was late, but because I was too tired to even try. I wasn't tired but I was at the same time, why did nothing make sense. Why does everyone know what they want to do? And why don't I?

I tried to think about my accomplishments.

Well let's see, I cut 11 seconds of my 200 freestyle time. But I only came in fifth place so it doesn't really matter, and the other girl is way faster... so why try? I know my Mom is worried, she can notice the change in my mood. Did that matter though? I mean she wouldn't believe me anyway, I even tried coming out to her... she didn't believe me. Said I was too young to know, and that I was just too focused on it and I should just think about stuff like swim, and friends. That's hard when you literally love your friend.

I haven't seen her in a year, because of COVID. I haven't been hugged by her, I haven't played with her hair, I haven't laughed with her. I missed her so much. Why was this life so unfair, I finally found a friend that I loved with my whole being and the world just had to rip it apart like paper.

I should watch a new show, but rewatching Haikyuu for the 11th time sounds more exciting. Maybe watching the episodes with Bokuto and Akaashi, reading their manga panels, the 30 second scenes of them. They are my comfort ship, they make life feel normal again since I act like Bokuto and she acts like Akaashi, I just feels normal again.

Soon I did eventually sleep, till like 10:30

I know this chapter was weird, but I needed to get it out. So from here on out I'll be going back to normal chapters.