Behind Blue Eyes

4

March 4th

It's the next morning. Mom and Dad were both surprisingly easygoing about having a cat in the house, though they've never really gotten upset about anything. They know what a tough time David and I had growing up was, and we're good kids to them. They asked where it came from and all of that and if I was ready to take care of something like this, but after they saw how happy it had made me, their trepidations washed away and they were more than OK about keeping him.

He slept with me in my room. He will not leave my side, and I'm thankful for that. Someone loves me enough to not wanna leave my side.

I haven't given him a name yet. That's the one thing that's been stumping me. I know I'll figure it out; I can't just keep calling him "good boy" or "sweet thing" all the time. David offered to stay at home and watch him for me while I'm out, tonight.

As my eyes slowly adjust to the morning, my new kitten is right by my hip. He senses I'm awake and turns to see what I'm doing. He crawls over to my face and nuzzles against my neck. I can feel his purring. He's so grateful, I can literally feel it. I glance at the clock; it's only 9:30. Fuck, I guess I can wake up at a normal time.

---

It's later that night. The Winchester is about a thirty minute drive from my house, which I don't mind. Long drives and my own music are Heaven to me. The sun's been gone for a few hours now, and the air has warmed up a bit. I roll my window down a crack and feel it leaking in.

The venue is in a weird place. It feels both safe and unsafe. I don't know whether I should've brought a bat or flowers.

I park my car, lock it, then double lock it to make sure, then walk up the sidewalk where the bar is. I walk in and see a small, but reasonably filled, bar. I'm a bit confused and almost walk out, but I stick to my guns and find a bartender.

"Excuse me, is there a show happening here, tonight?"

"Yes!" she smiles. "It's through that black curtain." She points behind me and I see a black curtian hanging down in the back corner.

"Thank you" I tell her. I start walking and pull the curtain back. Now it all makes sense. There's a much larger venue revealed once you step through. A small stage, a big dance floor, a full bar, even a green room for the performers to get ready. It all feels legit. There's even people onstage as we speak.

My friend who invited me, named Rachel, comes up to me.

"Hey!! You made it!"

"I did!" I manage to smile.

"Come, I'll introduce you to people."

She takes my hand and leads me to the dance floor. We stand in the direct center viewpoint of the stage. Trippy music is playing. There's a man in camo jacket with a black ski mask on spinning this odd, scary music I haven't heard before. It suits the absolute pitch black vision of the bar. He ends his song and the crowd cheers.

"This guy is good, he's one of my good friends."

"What's his name?" I ask.

I look back at the stage and feel like an idiot for asking that because there's a big-ass sign that reads "Levitation Rituals" hanging behind him. Nevermind.

A woman walks up to us and hands us flyers. "Hey Rachel!" she greets. I read the flyer. It's for a festival coming in May. Who knows if I'll be around to see it. The girl walks away.

"There's one guy I wanted you to meet, but I think he's going onstage in a sec."

I look up and, suddenly, this Rituals guy has two more people onstage. One of them has fake blonde hair with a beanie and marks on his face, singing in an accent about sex. The other is in a colorful jacket and has a fishnet on his arm. It's all weird if you ask me. Maybe I'm not used to this, yet.

Rachel stays pretty close to me. We just dance and mingle for the night. But I don't stay too long. At around 10:30, I excuse myself and tell Rachel that I'm leaving. She's a bit sad, but there's nothing for me here.

---

I get back home and see that David's on the couch with Mom, Dad and the kitty. They all turn when they hear me walk in.

"Hey, honey!" Mom says. She stands up and gives me a hug.

"You're home a little early" David states, matter-of-factly.

"I know. I just got tired. Plus, my first group meeting is tomorrow, so that's working my nerves a little."

"You want me to go with you?" David asks.

I almost tell him "no", but the more I think about it, it would be nice if I had someone there, no matter what form.

"I don't think you'd be able to sit in."

"I know that" David says, "but I could sit in the car with this little guy and wait for you in case you wanna duck out early."

"OK" I say. It would be nice to have them there.

After I undress and get settled into my bed, I take my phone and scroll through videos to pass the time. I wish I could fall asleep like normal people do, but I'm not normal, so that's not happening anytime soon.

The little guy has been fast asleep for two hours now. I think I have a name for him now: Max. He seems like a Max, so that's his name.

I turn my phone off and try desperately to fall asleep. It takes me until 1:45 to finally do so, but the anxiety of this therapy tomorrow is wecking me inside, and I don't know why. I know it's all in my head, but I can't shake the feeling something's going to go wrong.