Behind Blue Eyes

31

March 31st

Today. Today is the day. My phone has a notification from my calendar: "The End..." Well, now that it's here, I feel a mix of heavy emotions. It's also my 21st birthday, to boot, so there's that extra layer of overwhelming madness added onto it. I take a big sigh and look outside from my bedroom window. It might be the very last time I do this. I pull my sheets back and head downstairs.

I have a few missed texts from Paul. The first one asks why I'm not at the meeting. Then it's followed up by him asking if I was mad or upset with him over what had happened the other night. The other one is him straight up apologizing for something he shouldn't even be apologizing for. I open my phone and just tell him that he's OK and he doesn't have to worry about me anymore. He doesn't reply back right away.

I stand out of bed and, adorned in my pajama's, and head out of my room. Once I arrive downstairs, I see at least twenty or so balloons. There's a round cake in the center of the table. I wonder why they set all of this up for such a fuck up like me, but it's out of love, I suppose. I look around and don't see anyone.

"Surprise!" they all yell out as they jump out of various hiding spots in the room. I jump, but it's nothing I like. I hate it whenever they do that. I tell them this very thing while my hand is on my chest where my heart's supposed to be. "I hate it when you do that!" I say, almost too viciously and loudly. They all just laugh it off because they think I'm just overreacting, but I'm not.

"You know we love you, honey" dad says as he pats me on my shoulder.

"I know" I solemly say.

David gives me a big hug and whispers in my ear "Sorry about last night."

I whisper back "It's OK."

I look at Mom. "How many ballons are there? This seems like thirty or forty."

"It's exactly 21" she beams. Of course it is. I sit down as Dad starts lighting the candles on my cake. This will be the last time we ever do this. Well, they don't know that, but I do.

"Make a wish" Dad tells me after he's finished lighting them. I close my eyes and make a "wish". After a few seconds, I blow out my candles as the rest of them clap. All I can offer back is a sad looking smile.

After we have some cake, and cake tastes really weird after you wake up from a long night of sleep, I get up and head back upstairs.

"Where ya goin'?" Mom asks.

"I have nothing planned. I'm going out tonight..." I trail off. The trail. That's where Paul and I first met a few weeks ago.

"Oh! Where to?" Dad asks.

"Nature trail with some friends. Nothing too special."

"Oh! Well, it's your day, today, honey. Live it up however you want to!"

"I will" I tell him, and it's actually the truth, this time.

---

It's a little while later. I decided to take a nap after the cake. I know; this is my last day, here, and I'm spending most of it sleeping. How pathetic, but it's what I felt like doing. It's my birthday, I'll spend it however the hell I want to.

David knocks on my door. "Can I come in?"

"Sure. Why not" I tell him.

He walks in and closes the door behind him. He sits down on the bed.

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry. Again. For last night and how things played out."

"It's OK. Drop it" I tell him.