Behind Blue Eyes

6

March 6th

I still feel a bit on edge when I wake up. I'm not sure why. Yesterday went OK. Max is still by my side. That's good. I'm awake with him and looking through my phone. David knocks on my door.

"Hey, hey, hey, good morning" he greets.

"Hey" I reply, no life in my response.

"What's wrong?" he asks.

"I don't know. I feel, like, really on edge. Like my entire body is shaking and I have no idea why it's happening or what to do to stop it."

I raise my hands up and, sure enough, my hands are shaking. It's indescribable how I feel.

He pulls out his wallet and grabs a business card out of it. He walks over and hands it to me.

"What's this?"

"A store out in Parma that could help." He turns and walks out.

The business card reads "CBD American Shaman". "CBD? Isn't that weed?" I ask.

"No" he laughs, "it's an oil. I think it can help you. Really, I do." He closes the door, leaving to do whatever it is he has planned for the day. I take another look at the card and then one look at Max. He seems to be saying "go for it!" Then again, he's a cat; he can't really advise me on what to do.

---

After a few minute drive, I pull into the lot. The store's tiny and rests next to a strip. It's almost covered by an array of trees hovering above it.

Approaching the store, I peer through the big glass windows in front. There isn't anyone in there. Maybe it's closed. The sign says open, though... I go ahead and open the door, pushing my way inside and hoping like hell I don't set off an alarm.

A bell rings as I walk in. "One second!" a voice calls out. So, they are open. Nice.

Soon, a girl my height comes out from around the corner. Her bright red hair is not what I'm used to, but it's nice.

"Hi! Welcome. Are you looking for anything in particular?" She asks.

"I'm not sure, actually."

"Well, what brings you in?"

"My brother. He told me that this place would help with what I have going on."

"What is it you have? Depression? Anxiety? Anxiety Attacks? Panic Attacks?"

"Actually, pretty much all of those" I reply.

"Oh, you poor thing." she comfortingly tells me. "I'm sorry to hear that."

"It's OK. Not like you caused any of it."

"No, I know, but I've been in your shoes, and I can understand how scary and tough it is to have come in here, today. But I'm glad you did!" she smiles.

There's a loud bark that comes from the back. It makes us both jump a bit. I hear the pattering of the dog's feet. From around the same corner comes a small dog, an older little chihuahua. He comes up and rubs his face against my leg.

"He's super friendly" she assures me.

As I bend down to pet him, he leans up and gives me kisses.

"We do have a variety of options for you to try" she starts. "We have these drops that you put under your tongue, just a dab or two; those will take effect about ten, fifteen minutes after the dose. We also have gummies, LOTS of gummies. These taste like your usual gummy worms or bears that you would get at a grocery store, except the CBD in them, of course. Those take a bit longer to take hold; usually about a half hour, 45 minutes. Keeping up with me?" She smiles.

"Yeah" I laugh. I notice something behind the counter. "What are those?"

She follows my gaze. "Oh! These are our bath bombs. These are super helpful, especially if you have any physical pain, like in your back or legs-"

"I'll take two" I interrupt her. "Sorry, I didn't mean to jump in like that."

"No! You're totally fine! That's actually great! It's so boring in here through the day, I'm glad you stopped in to buy something. Let me just get you rung up." She stops and looks up at me. "Can I see your ID?"

"Oh, yeah." I reach into my pocket and grab my license from my wallet. She scans it over and nods.

"Good. Just gotta make sure."

"I totally get it" I tell her. She rings up two bath bombs for me. I don't know how well these are gonna work, but If David says this place is good, then it has to work to some extent.

After I make the purchase, she sets them in a bag and hands it over to me. "Here you go! I really hope you like them, and if not, feel free to come back anytime to try out any of our other products. Feel free just to come on in, in general" she laughs.

"Thank you" I smile. I lean down to pet her dog one last time. He loves me. "Have a good day" I tell her.

"You too!" she yells back.

---

It's late at night. I'm in the bathroom. The bathtub is almost filled. I drob the bomb in right around this time before I settle in. It's always so satisfying to watch it dissolve.

Afcter I settle in, I feel the hot water cascade over myself, with an added layer of relief. It might just be in my head, but the effects of this seem to be taking shape. I feel a bit more relaxed. A bit less worried. A lot less stressed.

Max is sitting beside the tub, mad that I didn't bring him in. At least he came by to keep me company.

After I dry off and drain the tub, I settle into bed for the night. By now, it's the same old routine, but it still feels a bit new given Max is around, now. I text David, because I'm too lazy to get out of bed and walk down the hall, and tell him that he was right on the CBD store. He just sends back a tumbs up. A man of so many words.

The bath bomb may have washed away a lot, but It didn't wash away everything. Tomorrow, I meet with Paul. I hope he doesn't try to hurt me, but everyone seems to like him, well enough. Hopefully, I can too.