The Fanfiction, MatsuHana

fifteen

 I was scared to lose him.

Ironically, this was what made me lose him.  

I blocked him out of my life and only realized my mistake when it was already too late. I had already lost him. There was no chance of me finding him again. 

I had deleted my Instagram account and all those other accounts on which we texted. I had already changed my phone number and deleted his number. I had already changed myself completely. 

It was another one of those impulsive actions, I tended to when it had something to do with him. 

He was special. He had a special place in my heart. He would forever. I loved him. I don't know if this was enough to describe my feelings for him but it was at least near to reality. 

I regretted that I didn't confess every day. Every time I recalled my actions, I wished that I didn't do it. I tried finding him, unsuccessfully. 

It made me doubt my existence. A life without him was useless. But I would continue. He always said that you should never end it as long as somebody benefits from your existence. You could and he would understand it but it would be useless. So I didn't.