Draft version - Russian Roulette - Family secrets

Ch. 171: You nearly broke me tonight

Nervously, Mackenzie kept pacing in the room, waiting for Gareth to show up.

He had asked her to go ahead to get ready. Of course, she had understood that he did not want her to see him struggle up the stairs. To him it was something he thought would ruin the mood and maybe even her perception of him as a man.

That was only an issue in his head.

Nothing would take away from his masculinity in her eyes.

Nothing would make her not want him.

So what if a few stairs were hard for him? They were only hard because of the sacrifice he had made for her. If anything, she found it sexy as hell that he had overcome all that and still thought he was not enough for her.

He had always been enough.

It took a while, but finally a soft knock on the door was heard before it was quietly opened. Gareth poked in his head and searched for her with worried eyes. The worry vanished the second he saw her, standing in the middle of the room staring at him, smiling with longing in her eyes.

The same longing he felt.

Strangely revitalized with seeing her, Gareth made his way closer to her after having shut the door. It was irrational, but whenever he let her out of his sight, that fear of not seeing her again took hold of him. It rode him like a nightmare until he saw her again.

It did not matter if she had gone to the bathroom, if she was standing behind some people, though he knew exactly where she was, if she had been in the ballroom and he had been out smoking.

The fear was there.

Nobody would understand that fear.

Maybe Vittorio.

But it was different. Vittorio had Patricia, had had somebody to grieve with, to share his pain and also one to soothe him now that Mackenzie was back.

Gareth had been alone.

Though surrounded by well-meaning and supporting people, he had been alone. All the guys had been understanding and been there for him when he needed company or to talk, they had given him his space when he had needed to withdraw into himself. Even his mother had reeled in her overprotective mothering and just let him know she was there when and if he needed to be around a female.

And they had all respected his evening ritual without commenting if they thought it was wrong or pathetic.

Revenge had kept him going and the kids had given him a reason to stay alive.

It would take a while before he could relax and let Mackenzie return to her normal routines, being out of his sight. He would work on it. She should not suffer because of his anxieties.

"Are you ok?"

Mackenzie stood not far from him, again with that worried frown. Something he hated seeing on her.

"Were the stairs too much? Do you need to sit?"

That would be a no.

Gareth had swallowed all pride and asked the guys for help when Mackenzie had left. He had smoked a cigarette and had a whiskey with them before he had asked for help getting up the three flights of stairs to Mackenzie's suite.

None had laughed or commented in any way.

With Cracker and Phoenix supporting him under each arm and Rami carrying his legs while Jace held the cane, they had carried him up the stairs. Without anything but a polite goodnight, they had left him to find his way to Mackenzie's room.