Draft version - Russian Roulette - Family secrets

Ch. 47: What kind of monster do you see when you look at me?

It took her a long time to explain it all to him. He sat there listening to her. Everything she told him he already knew, he liked that she was finally honest with him, that she told him everything and did not hold back.

Gareth still did not understand how she had dealt with all of that alone. He was not angry with her for not telling him, he had blown off their friendship and was slowly gaining that back, confiding in him had not been an option for her until he now forced her to.

It hurt him to know all she had been suffering. If he had not been such an asshole to her, maybe things would have been different.

Mackenzie did not have the courage to look at him while she told him. The judgement would be too much. It was embarrassing to tell him about herself. She was not the woman he had met back then.

Definitely not the woman he had been chasing after since they met again. She was a shell of what she had been, nothing he would want to associate himself with.

But it was also a relief.

To not have to hold back and be on guard around him. To tell him how desperately she wanted it to stop. How she feared for her mother's life. She could not give a damn about Marco, she felt bad that Giancarlo and Stefano had been dragged into it because of their father. But her mother was her main concern.

The most comforting in the entire conversation, which was more of a monologue, was when she told him that she had asked her father, and he had refused to help. The way Gareth had tightened his grip around her and breathed heavily into her hair to calm himself, felt too good.

"I've already paid off the debt." he finally said when she stopped talking.

Gareth had not only paid off the debt, he had made sure to send a team to deliver some not too polite warnings about going near Patricia, her husband and his children ever again. There might have been a few casualties, not that he gave a shit.

Mackenzie tore herself from him and glared angrily at him. Her stomach churned at the sudden movement and her head began to spin.

"Why the fuck would you do that? I don't want your pity."
"Pity? It's not pity."
"Then what is it? A loan? Payment for sexual favors? I'll have to stay with you until I've serviced off millions worth?"
"What the hell, Mackenzie? How can you even say that?"

This time he was shouting at her. He had kept his promise and not blown up while she had told him everything, how dared she suggest he would buy her like that?

"It's not a loan, it's not prostitution. It's just money. I don't want anything in return."
"Sure you don't." she spat sarcastically at him.
"Don't start with me," Gareth grumbled warningly. "I'm not that kind of man and you bloody well know it."

Gareth raked his fingers through his hair and breathed even heavier to control himself. Why did everything with her have to be a fight? Why could she not allow him to help her when nobody else would? He was in a position to do it, money he had more than enough of, and it meant nothing to him if he could not use it help the people he cared about.

"What does it take for you to believe me? You just told me you trusted me a few days ago. For fuck's sake, trust me now!"
"I don't want to owe you anything. I can't repay you and you know it. All I have is the one thing you want from me."

He sat there stunned looking at her.

Was she for real?

"What kind of monster do you see when you look at me?" He tried not to; the bitterness seeped into his words anyway. "Is that really how you see me? How low you think of me? As a man who would use your situation to get laid?"