I knew the moment I first kissed him, that he would condemn me, that I would drag myself through broken glass for him. I just was not sure if he would stay long enough to pull the jagged pieces out.
I never imagined that instead, he would push the...
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Claustrophobia.
Claustrophobia is when I feel as if the walls are caving on me, causing me to curl my hands into fists and trying to punch through them until my hands are raw and bleeding. Deep down I know they are not moving, but unless I feel a light breeze blowing against my face, and see the gentle sway of trees in front of me, my heart cannot help but pound erratically as adrenaline pumps through my veins. My mind searches for ways to escape with all the methodology of a bouncing ball. My stomach lurches, I want to scream until my throat rips out to let out all the fear creeping up inside me like a disease. I want to scream so loud until it is not a cry of fear but a roar of one who has been forged stronger by life's challenges.
It's dark. It's quiet. Too quiet.
The world around me is etched in charcoal. However, I do not find comfort in the darkness. It is not the darkness that embraces you with loving arms, holding you until the dawn comes, no, this is the kind of darkness that robs you of your best sense and replaces it with paralyzing fear.
I know there's something lurking in the shadows. A monster that torments me. In the darkness I sit, my sore muscles cramped and unable to move. There is an evil here no one can see.
Monsters. They seek out the weak and make a home in their heads. But I am not weak so why did they latch into my head?
I can feel it, raging inside of me, begging to be unleashed, tormenting me with its pleas, loud enough only for me to hear. I have created a door between us, locked it in an attempt to keep it away from me.
But it's still there...
It is scratching against my soul with its sharp claws, trying to reach what's left of my sanity... my humanity.
I know it is a matter of time until the door I had built between us crumbles down and the monster that has been locked up for years breaks through.
I know it knows too.
I woke up with a heavy gasp, breathing in deeply and trying to take in my surroundings. I was in the dark and I felt the bile rise in my throat as panic started to settle in. I had to get out of here.
I bolted out of the dormitory and rushed down the stairs into the common room, eyes heavy with sleep yet bloodshot with tears. Once I was in the safety of the common room where the fire provided enough light for me to calm down, I brought a shaky hand against my forehead and leaned against the nearest wall to calm myself down.
I did not even remember the nightmare, the memory of it fading away with every passing second but the feeling of unease combined with my terror was enough to send me into an anxiety attack.
