Help Me Survive

XXV: Peace

Chapter 25

There was an eerie silence between us after I directly told him my feelings.

"I understand, that's fine. I never expected for my feelings to be reciprocated. I just want you know 'cause I think you deserve to know."

He still looked dumbfounded. Staring at nothing, like he's absorbing deeply all the words I said.

"I-I, look Tanleigh, I really don't know what to say."

I feel my hands sweating up. Damn, now I regretted. But that's fine. There's a feeling of relief washing at me.

"Guess I'll just get going then. It was such a relief for me to be able to confess," I slyly smiled.

Tumango siya at akmang tatayo, pero bumalik ulit sa pagkakaupo.

"Look, I know you're in a vulnerable state right now Leigh. But yeah, like you said, accept my true feelings. I only really see you as my sister. As someone who needs help. As someone whom I need to take care of."

I nodded.

"I know I said I like you, but that's because you reminded me of Erschel. You reminded me with my greatest 'the one that got away'."

Stop...

Please just stop...

I feel my eyes watering up but I'm holding those tears back.

"I like you, I really do. But not romantically. I like you, but I love Erschel. Alive or not, she still resides in my heart. Forever."

And that's it. That's the last straw. I need to get out of here. Tumayo ako ag inayos ang sarili. I faced him with a bright smile.

"A, sige Chaos. I totally understand. Of course, haha. Ako naman nagsabi na okay lang. I may be vulnerable but I understand deeply. So yeah, una na ako."

Hindi ko na hinintay ang sagot niya at agad na akong tumalikod. Kasabay ng pagtalikod ko ay ang pagkawala ng napakalaking ngiti na nakapaskil kanina sa aking mga labi.

As I walked into the empty streets, my tears fell nonstop. Like a waterfall with never ending water source. Hindi ako humihikbi pero patuloy na akong umiiyak.

What's painful? Is when I have to cry silently just to never bother someone.

Pinapalis ko ang aking mga luha. But then someone grabbed me from the side as I walked on a corner near our school. I was crying too much to give an immediate reaction.

All I feel is a warm hug. Someone is hugging me. He caressed my back. With his light hands I can already determine who he is.

"It's okay, it's okay. Cry now, let it all out. I'll be right here."

His soft voice that seems to calm my nerves.

I cried at his chest even more.

Oo alam ko na sinabi ko na tatanggapin ko ang desisyon niya. But that doesn't mean na hindi na ako masasaktan. I have feelings. It's a human nature to cry after a huge rejection.

But I understand him. I know deep down, I totally understand him. I cried not because I am deeply hurt with rejection. I am crying because I saw how much he loved his ex dearly.

I cry because I saw a love so genuine, so pure.

She is indeed lucky to have him by his side. Whether she lives or not, Chaos truly loves her. That even death cannot separate them.

They may be physically separated, but their hearts unite. Their hearts continues to move in one rhythm. And yes, I hope everyone would recieve that love.

I understand Chaos and I thank him. For he is totally honest with his feelings. He cared for mine but he never sugarcoats it for my sake.

I appreciate his honest rejection than fake admiration.

And with that thought, my crying lessens. My tears stops falling. My cheeks are slowly drying from the tears I shed.

The hand on my back never stops caressing me. Patuloy pa rin ito sa pagpapatahan sa akin. Kasabay ng mumunting boses na nagsasabing tumahan na ako.

I looked up him and smiled a little. Finally, I felt someone who is there for me when I feel like I'm alone.

He wiped my excess tears and I closed my eyes feeling the warmth of his palms.

As he finished, I opened my eyes and looked at this beautiful hazel eyes.

"Thank you..."

"...Peace."