Help Me Survive

XXVIII: Suitor

Chapter 28

Months had passed since I realized things.

Ngayon ay nasa kalagitnaan na ako ng 2nd year sa college. Yes, 2nd year na ako and I know Chaos and Peace are on their last year here.

Thank goodness kahit papaano ay maswerte pa rin ako. Mayroon man kaming hindi pagkakaunawaan ng mga magulang ko ay hindi pa rin nila pinuputol ang pagbabayad sa tuition ko. It means that I am still studying because they are paying for my education, regardless of our last meeting.

And for my daily needs, I love books so I decided to use that passion to work. I became a librarian at a public library around the city. Medyo malapit sa condo kaya less hassle.

Hindi kalakihan ang sweldo, but for me, it is already enough to suffice my daily expenses. Pagkain lang naman ang ginagastos ko maliban sa mga school supply.

Hindi na rin ako bumili ng mga gamit sa condo. Hindi ko kailangan ng dagdag lilinisin at mga bagay na mag-te-take up lang ng space. Sapat na ang mga basic appliances and furnitures.

"Hey, my lovely Tanleigh!" Sigaw ng kung sino.

I looked up only to see Peace entering the garden, coming towards me.

"How can I help you mr. Peace Juckser Lacosta?" I directly asked without breaking our eye contact.

"Chill miss. I just wanna ask kung okay ka na ba?"

Saad niya habang umuupo sa aking tabi.

"Again for the nth time over these past few months, okay na ako. Well not totally, because healing is a process and hindi madaling maghilom ang mga sugat. But I can assure you, I'm perfectly fine now. I'm not the same person I used to be."

I smiled at him genuinely, I know he is just concerned about me. Simula kasi no'ng niyakap niya ako pagkatapos bumisita kay Dra. Galmo ay walang pasubaling nagpahayag siya na liligawan niya raw ako.

Tumanggi ako siyempre, I'm still healing myself and the least thing I want to be associated with is the complexity of love or relationships.

But this man right here, is just persistent. Hindi ako pumayag and yet patuloy pa rin siyang nanliligaw. Kaya ayon, mapilit siya pero wala akong magagawa.

"Peace, bakit mo nga ako niligawan? You know how complicated my life is. Alam mong gusto ko ang kambal mo at alam mo ring hindi pa ako handa sa mga ganiyan. I turned you down several times yet you keep on pursuing me. Why?" I absentmindedly asked him while looking at the green scenery in front of me.

"I told you, I like you since then Leigh. But since my brother likes you too, I backed off. After all, blood is thicker than water and with everything he's been through, he deserves to be happy. So I never told you about my feelings. But Chaos knows."

Napakurap ako. I never expected such revelation.

I smiled slightly at him, "thank you for being there."

With that I stood up. "Una na ako." He nodded in response.

Luamabas na ako sa garden at akmang pupunta na sa classroom ng may biglang tumawag sa pangalan ko.

"Myst!" I heared a woman's voice. I turned around to see who owns that voice only to be frozen still in my spot.

Fear stricken through me as I saw my mother and my father speeding up towards my direction. You cannot blame me, they gave me that trauma and impression of disappointments. Unti-unti kong inaayos ang buhay ko kaya natatakot akong baka mawala na naman ako sa landas na tinatahak ko dahil lang nakita ko sila.

But what happened next, shocked me.

My mother hugged me tight and cried oit loud. While my father is smiling at me.

"Oh God, I am sorry, I am so sorry," mommy said in between ger sobs.

"We now know everything. Your fear, your doubts, pati piangdaanan mo habang nasa puder namin at habang nagpapagaling ka. I am so sorry, we failed as your parents. Sa paghahangad namin na maging perpekto ka, na maging anak na nais namin, nakalimutan namin na may sarili kang desisyon. Na may sarili kang nararamdaman. We are so sorry, I know hindi mo kami mapapatawad pero still, we are asking for your forgiveness."

Saad ni daddy dahil hindi na makapagsalita si mommy kakaiyak. Kumalas ito sa akin at sumubsob akay daddy pero rinig na rinig ko ang bulong niya na panay sorry.

Oo masakit sa akin ang ginawa nila, na sila ang dahilan kung bakit ako nagkaganoon. Pero ito nga, I am healing myself and one thing that I learned on the duration of the process is that dapat marunong akong magpatawad at bumitaw sa mga bagay na nakakasama o nakakapagpaalala sa akin sa pinagdaanan ko.

I don't want to be caged in yhe past when I still have a present to live.

"It's okay mommy and daddy, matagal ko na kayong pinatawad pero gusto ko malaman, paano niyo nalaman lahat."

I asked them because I am too curious to know who told them about my condition and what I have been through.

"Peace," daddy said. And mas lalo akong nagulat sa nalaman ko.

Nilingon ko si Peace sa aking likuran. Nakita ko siyang malawak ang ngiti sa akin. I smiled back at him mouthing 'thank you'. Kasi sa totoo lang, sobra-sobra 'tong ginagawa niya. Kinausap niya ang mga magulang ko and I can't deny the fact na malaki nga ang maitututlong nito sa tuluyan kong paggaling.