Help Me Survive

XXX: Thank you, Chaos

Chapter 30

Isang linggo ang lumipas matapos naming magkausap muli ng aking mga magulang. Sa buong linggo na iyon, wala kaming ibang ginawa kung hindi ang mag-bonding bilang pamilya. Pati na rin ang minsang paglabas namin ni Peace na magkasama.

"Thank you for today Peace. I really enjoyed it," I said as I went our of his car one day. Katatapos lang namin mag coffe date sa isang coffee shop na may mga free books na babasahin.

I am the one who siggested it, buti nalang at pumayag si Peace at talagang nakisabay pa sa hobby ko na magbasa ng libro.

"No worries, so paano ba 'yan? What is your plan for tomorrow?" Peace asked me.

Yumuko ako sa bintana ng passenger's seat para makita siya.

"I want to talk to Chaos after school. Maybe to thank him and clear things out. You know, medyo matagal na rin no'ng huli kaming nagkaroon ng interaction." He nodded and waved goodbye. I stepped back and watched his car drift away from my sight.

I heaved a heavy sigh. Naalala ko, huling interaksiyon namin ni Chaos ay no'ng nag-confess ako sa kaniya. After that, para kaming nag-iiwasan. Actually hindi iwasan na talagang liliko sa ibang daan. Iwasan lang like magtatagpo kami, kauting tango at ngiti lang ang igagawad namin sa isa't-isa bago magpatuloy sa dapat puntahan.

I woke up the next morning feeling blissful. I don't know pero ganito na lagi ang pakiramdam ko ever since nagbati kami ng mga magulang ko.

Siguro that is what I wanted silently all through this years? Na iniisip ko, okay lang kahit gano'n sila lagi pero deep inside me, I want to have a closure with them. I want them to know what I feel and that they will try to understand me as how I understand them as well.

And I wouldn't be feeling things like this without Peace. I offer everything to him.

Huminga ako ng malalim bago napagpasyahang lumabas sa classroom. Tapos na ang panghuli kong klase kaya panahon na para isagawa ang misyon ko.

My eyes immediately wandered to see Chaos. Hindi ako nagkamali dahil agad ko siyang nakitang papasok sa building nila.

"Chaos!" I shouted at the top of my lungs. Most people are looking at me weirdly hearing me shout without notice. But who cares, that is the least of my concern right now.

Nagmamadali akong tumakbo papunta sa kinaroroonan ni Chaos nang tumalikod ito sa akin at nagpatuloy sa paglalakad. I stopped my tracks, I feel hurt for a while, but still that didn't give me a reason to stop. Muli ko siyang hinabol at nakita ko siyang lumiko sa likod ng building nila.

I knew it! Hindi porke tinalikuran niya ako ay wala na siyang pake sa akin. Nais niya lang na pribado kaming mag-usap.

Tumigil siya sa sa kalagitnaan ng likuran ng building. Hinhingal pa ako ngunit patuloy pa rin sa pag-ngiti sa kaniya.

"Hey, how are you?" He asked me and also gave me his best smile.

"I've never been better. Ikaw?" I gave him my warmest smile.

"I'm fine. I'm hurting but I already accepted the fact that I have and will always love Erschel. Patay man siya o buhay."

May kirot akong nararamdaman, siyempre sa sandaling panahon ay nagustuhan ko siya. Masakit marinug mul sa taong nagugustuhan mo ang mga jatagang kaniyang binanggit.

But I'm better now. I'm almost done healing myself from the wounds of the past and together, the pain I am feeling due tk Chaos' rejection will also fade in time.

Imbes na sumagot sa kaniya ay niyakap ko siya ng mahigpit. Tumingkayad ako para lamang mayakap siya ng maayos. Nabigla man ay yumuko pa rin siya upang salubungin ang aking yakap.

"I just want to say thank you. Thank you Chaos, for everything. Thank you for seeing me as myself despite my fragile state." I almost choked the words in my mouth. Nagsisimula na akong humikbi at mas lalong humigpit ang yakap niya sa akin.

"Thank you for seeing the best in me. Thank you for helping me with my condition. You saw it first, but you acceped it wholly with no doubts. Thank you for your determination to help me kahit ikaw rin ay may sakit na dinadala."

"Shh," he softly whispered while caressing my back as I started to sob harder. Pero umiling ako, I need to continue whatever I'm going to say.

The tears that are streaming down my face are tears of happiness. That I can thank this person wholeheartedly for all the good deeds he did. Oh God, what did I do to recieve such wondeful boys? To receive Chaos and Peace?

"Thank you for seeing my worth even when I myself can't see it. Thank you for staying when no one else did." I've got too much to say but words of gratitude will never be enough to suffice how grateful I am.

Humiwalay ako sa yakap ng may ngiti sa aking mga labi sa kabila ng mga lumuluhang mga mata. He gently wiped my tears away and smiled warmly.

"Isa lang ang gusto kong kapalit mula sa 'yo..."

"...Be happy. Be finally happy and set yourself free."