Rejected

Chapter 45 - Forgiveness

"I tried to tell everyone about the monsters that lived in their town." Ariana continued talking while Xander listened silently. "No one believed me."

"They already know what we are." Xander told Ariana.

"Yes. I got that." Ariana said looking away from Xander and remembering how she was made for a fool while running around in town screaming about werewolves. 

Sighing and shaking her head, Ariana continued, "I realized then that your town will always be on your side. I'm alone. But...running around like I was crazy did not fall on deft ears. Someone heard me, and they came to me, for help."

"The hunters." Xander said not looking at Ariana.

"Yes." Ariana answered. "They asked me why I hated werewolves. I told them why, so they offered help. With what I know about your pack land, sneaking in would be easy. I may not have known that I was walking around a packland full of wolves, but I remembered every corner and every inch that you and everyone has shown me."

"Our mistake." Xander said then he looked at Ariana and asked. "How did you get pass the border? I would have known if an outsider breaks in."

"You forget. I have power." Ariana said looking at Xander with a sad smile in her face, but she looked away ashamed after a moment. "The things I could do when I shut my heart out. I disabled the link connecting you and the border just long enough for me and the hunters to get inside without warning you and everyone connected to it then I enabled it again once we are all inside."

"You can do that?" Xander asked honestly amazed. He has never known anyone who can alter a link between a wolf pack and its border.

"I can do a lot more than that Xander. The moment I let my mind take over." Ariana answered, she would have been proud of the kind of power she holds if she had put it to better use. But knowing that people had died because of what she chose to do, she could not even look at Xander in the eyes.

"Once we were inside," Ariana continued.  "I told everyone to break apart and selected a few stronger ones."

"And you went and attacked our most vulnerable." Xander finished for her. 

Ariana did not respond. Instead she closed her eyes and relived every moment of that one fateful night like it all just happened yesterday. Then she turned to Xander who was already looking at her, and Xander could see the tears swimming in her eyes. 

Shaking her head, Ariana said with a broken voice. "I...I didn't know what I was doing, I was blind to everything, all I see our the monsters that killed my parents, all I feel is the anger and the hatred. Until..."

Ariana stopped talking, this time the tears she was holding back are now flowing freely down her cheeks. 

"Until the moment I saw your mother trying so hard to protect an already dying child in her arms. I saw my mother in her, protecting me and my brother, and it woke me up and opened my eyes to what I was doing. But it was too late to stop. Your mother was killed right in front of me, the child she was protecting...died to eventually. I looked around me and there are even more dead children. I didn't know what to feel. Regret, disappointment, dread...guilt. And then I felt you, running towards us, getting closer and closer. And I got scared. I wanted to run."

Ariana is sobbing so hard now she felt it hard to speak, wiping her tears away that doesn't seem to stop falling, she stared at Xander's eyes and remembered how scared she was that night of having to look him in the eye after what she did.

"There's no way I can look at you. And I know that after what I did, you won't care whether I was your mate, you will kill me. And I can't let you do that. My brother will be left alone."

Xander stared at Ariana's tear stained face. He could not deny what she said. Could he have killed her, that night if he had seen her? He's not sure. But looking at her now he knows he wouldn't have done it. 

"You don't want your brother alone." Xander said. "And yet you killed yourself. Aren't you contradicting yourself?"

Ariana nodded in agreement, she looked away from Xander and wiped her tears dry. 

"I couldn't forgive myself." She said. "Everyone who died that day. The hunters, your family those children, every single one of them trusted me and I got them all killed. I did not kill anyone that night. But every single drop of blood spilled was on my hands. I never stopped blaming myself for what I had done. Every time I close my eyes I see the faces of everyone dying over and over. There's no way anyone would have lived long enough to endure that heavy of a guilt."

"The guilt and regret you are feeling," Xander started saying. "None of that will bring back anyone who died that day Ariana. And what you did after? Killing yourself instead of facing the consequences of your actions, is an easy way out."

"I know. I know that Xander, but at that time I couldn't live with myself knowing I caused all those deaths. I know I got the coward's way out. I guess that's one of the reasons I stuck around."

Ariana looked at Xander her eyes pleading. "I...I always wanted to say sorry for everything. For running away and leaving you the night you told me what you are and for all the stupid decisions I made after that. I thought I was doing it for my brother, but no, it was all for me. I'm...I'm sorry Xander. Please...please f...forgive me."

She wanted so much to hold Xander's hand but she knows she doesn't deserve it. She doesn't even know if she has the right to ask Xander for forgiveness. She waited for years for a chance to ask for it, her spirit stayed and waited for a chance to speak to him and explain everything, but right now, even after everything, she haven't even forgiven herself, how could she ask Xander to forgive her. 

Xander looked at Ariana crying her eyes out, silently sobbing and practically bowing and begging at him. When Ariana killed herself he was so angry, how could she, she escaped his wrath, he wanted revenge, as the years pass by and the anger subside, he could not make peace with his past because the girl who broke him is gone. And that girl is there now, right in front of him, saying the words he never thought he would hear. He never once thought he would get the apology he wanted. Ariana was not the only one waiting. 

"I forgive you."

Ariana looked up surprised. Unsure of what she heard. 

"W...what did you say?"

"I forgive you Ariana." Xander said, and he saw a few more tears flow down Ariana's cheeks. "You are not the only one waiting, for this chance. You died, and I never once thought I would ever get the chance to hear you say those words. It's been years, and I honestly thought I can never forgive you. Until Belle."

Xander looked back at the spot where Belle waited. He could not see her face from that distance, but he could imagine her, smiling at him, patiently waiting, trusting that he would never do anything that would hurt her.

"She taught me to forgive." Xander said then he looked back to Ariana. "If it wasn't for her, I never would have gotten over my past. I will still be the bitter Xander full of hate, unforgiving and blaming those who never even hurt me. I've forgiven you already Ariana, when Belle accepted me, all broken and scarred."

Xander smiled, for the first time at Ariana and she knew that there was no lie in that smile. Xander took her hand, he was not surprised not to feel the spark between mates in Ariana's hand, and for the first time since they met, they looked at each other and smiled exactly like they smiled at each other before the hate, the pain, the anger...and the rejection.

"Thank you." Ariana said.