Rejected

Chapter 44 - Just Ain't Enough

Ariana watched Xander. From her position she could only see the side of his face. He's eyes were looking at the direction where Belle sat patiently and wait. He probably couldn't wait to finish talking to her so he could come back to his one true mate. A position she once hold.

No regrets, she told herself. Looking away Ariana focused her vision to the distance. Looking back at her past, at all the moments that led to that specific time. She's thankful that, despite everything she did, she was given the chance to redeem herself and make a better future to the one person she loved most in the world.

The power she holds, the power she inherited from her mother, she hated it, but if it wasn't for that, her spirit would have crossed over a long time ago.

Sighing deeply Ariana finally decided to speak.

"I did love you." She said.

Xander turned to Ariana a little shocked but he chose to stay silent.

"So much Xander that I imagined building a future and a family with you."

Ariana looked down at her fingers and started playing with it. Doing her best to look like the past does not hurt her anymore.

"But you," she continued. "You left a vital piece of information hidden from me and showed it to me only when I was already deeply in love with you. It was unfair. I felt...betrayed."

Ariana chuckled but Xander could hear the sobs she was trying to hide. And when Ariana finally turned to him he was surprised to see the pain in her eyes, there were tears there she was trying to stop from falling.

"When you told me what you are all the fears I thought I have already forgotten suddenly resurfaced. It was no longer you I'm seeing, it was the monsters that killed my parents and threw me and my brother to this cruel fate."

Ariana stopped and closed her eyes, remembering the night her life, once again, turned upside down. The first time fate threw her life to the ground, she was just a child, the people she trusted and loved was killed. That night, when Xander told her the truth, it was him, the one she trusted and loved, who threw her life to the ground.

"You cannot blame me from running away from you that night." Ariana said looking straight to Xander's eyes. "My heart was screaming so loud not to abandon you, to stay, to hear what you had to say, but all I can hear is my mother's dying voice in my head. My father screaming for us to run, their voices are so much louder and pronounced  and stronger and I just can't listen to my heart." 

Ariana could see the conflicting emotions on Xander's eyes. She waited for so long for a chance to tell him what she felt that night. She thought that once she did, Xander would never believed her, but his eyes on that moment, may reflect so many emotions, but not disbelief.

= 0 =

Xander has always thought that no matter what kind of explanation Ariana has to reject him that day, it's never gonna be enough to justify the actions she did after.

But hearing it now, straight from ber mouth, with all the emotions reflecting in her eyes, her voice trying so hard not to break, he could not look away.

"I loved you Xander," Ariana started saying. "I really did. But...but my brother is much more important to me. I cannot let you, or any of your kind into our lives again. I just...I did not expect that rejecting you would tear something in me. The piece that held me together after all the tragedy in my life, the remaining thread keeping me sane, it's my heart. And I denied it, of the love that can heal it. I shut it out."

They both sat there quiet looking at each other's eyes that are now soft, the anger that was there earlier in Xander's eyes are slowly fading away.

Xander watched as Ariana looked away with a sad smile and continued.

"You know, my mother always told me that there was something special in me, a special kind of gift, but I was young, I didn't really care about what kind of power I got. That night, when those rogues attacked us, killed my parents, only then did I realize how important this is. But...seeing what it brought to my family...I hated it. I wished I didn't have it. What use do I have to this power when I lost my parents because of it."

Ariana sat there quietly for a moment and Xander knew that her mind is back to the night her life had changed. So he chose not to speak and wait patiently for Ariana to speak again.

She did...after a few moments her eyes distant. "I used it for the first time when a childless couple visited the orphanage. They wanted to adopt me, so I used my power to change their mind and adopt Amos instead. There is no way I'm leaving him there on his own. He's too young, and I wanted him to live a normal life, with a normal family. It took a while to convince him to go, he left the orphanage that day, but not once, not ever, have I lost sight of him. I've been watching over him ever since."

Xander looked away from Ariana. Some of those things she said, Amos already told him. He understand how hard it must have been for them to go thru all that at a young age. He could not even begin to imagine how it felt to loose their parents. To watch them die never knowing why. But still...none of that explains Ariana's actions the night she rejected him.

"I understand what you're saying Ariana." Xander started saying, looking back to Ariana. "What I don't understand is how, any of that explains what you did to me and my family. Nothing about your past has anything to do with what you have done."

Ariana turned to look at Xander. Then she smiled sadly at him before saying.

"It has everything to do with it Xander." She said, Xander could hear a little bit of dissappointment in her voice. "Being aware of what I can do opened up my eyes to the kind of power I hold. Amos, his existence, my sole purpose of protecting him kept me grounded. When I thought you betrayed me and I rejected you my heart and my mind was at war I could not accept the fact that what I feel for you is winning over my desire to protect my brother. And in order for me to create a place where my brother and I could live in peace, I needed to rip out whatever is holding me back."

"So you did all that?" Xander asked, still not convinced. It was just not enough, a lot of people died, innocent people. "My mother, my friends, my people, they loved you, they trusted you. Like I did!"

Ariana looked away from Xander, she continued. "That day I called my brother and said goodbye. I knew, with what I had to do, I would never see him again, that knowledge made something in me snap. Nothing mattered to me anymore except wanting to rid this world of you and your kind so my brother could live without fear."

"I shut my heart out, all emotions suppressed deep down I couldn't feel anything anymore and my power came flooding to me in folds. I could feel it flowing in my veins, into every fiber of muscles. And without the part of me, that feels something for you, there's nothing holding me back. Not anymore."

Ariana looked at Xander and he's looking at her. Dissappointment, fear, disbelief and many more emotions reflected in his eyes.

She loved him, but it didn't matter. Because that love was not enough for her to believe that Xander, being what he is, can ever have a future with her.