Destination Life or Death

32.

Carl's POV-

The few days that passed seemed quiet, Dezzy barely talked to anyone and when she did talk to me, she would cry, she was a mess and I knew it. Spencer had been hanging around her a lot recently, and I didn't have a problem with it, because in all reality, I thought he was just trying to be there for her like she was for him when he lost Deanna. But, I don't think it was friendly anymore, he never wanted to be there when I was. "Hey Dez, can we talk?" I asked sitting down on the couch next to her. "Yeah, sure." Her voice was low, almost at a whisper. "I just know you've been around Spencer a lot the last few days," I paused while putting my hand on her knee, "I just feel like he's expecting more, and I don't think he is realizing where we stand." I said looking at her while she stared at her hands wrapped up in her lap. "Well, Carl," she spoke before looking up at me. "Where do we stand? Because I'm terrified you're going to run back to Enid the first run I go on without you." she hissed, I knew she was angry and I didnt want to make things worse. "I wouldn't do that to you Dezzy." I spoke softly, trying to calm her down. "Carl, I love you. But I feel like you're not trusting me." She said standing up quickly while still looking down at me. "That's not what I'm trying to say." Before I could finish, she cut me off. "I'm not going to be anything more than friends with Spencer, you can stop being jealous now." she rolled her eyes and started for the stairs. "You were jealous of Enid, Dezzy. Don't get mad at me for being scared to lose you." I said standing up but not moving from where I stood, "Just let it go Carl." she said while running up the stairs and closing the door to our room. I layed down on the couch and stared at the ceiling, before I heard a door open and little feet run over to me. Judith flopped onto my stomach. "Bubba!" she spoke loudly, I smiled and sat up to see Glenn closing the door behind him. "Sorry kid, she just kind of slipped away." he said smiling before coming over to me and picking her up. "No, it's all good." I said looking back at him and then setting my dirty cowboy hat on the coffee table. "Glenn, can I talk to you about something?" I asked while quickly looking up to him then away. "Sure, whats up?" Glenn said sitting down next to me. "I feel like everything that happened back at the warehouse with that guy, Dezzy has been different. I have never seen her like that." I said shrugging and then looking at Glenn who now had a saddened look on his face. "Did Dezzy ever tell you about Ron?" Glenn asked not moving his eyes from mine. "I mean, I know he shot me." I said shaking my head. "Dezzy killed Ron, Carl." he spoke quietly. "She did exactly the same thing to Ron as she did that man. I wasn't there, but Michonne was. If you want to know more about it talk to her or Dez." Glenn spoke softly. I could feel my eyes widen. Why didn't she tell me about Ron? I know why she felt that way, and I don't blame her for doing it, but why was she so numb when it came to the man at the outpost. "She killed Ron?" I asked looking up at him. "The night you were shot, she lost it, she was broken and I didn't have to be there to trust the stories." he paused, "Everyone was surprised she ended up so okay, but I think she just proved she's not really okay." he said shaking his head. "I just, I see Spencer around her all the time, and I don't want to let my jealousy get the best of me, but I just can't help but feel jealous when he's around." I said looking down at my hands. "Carl, I know that kid pretty well when it comes to her feelings for you, and trust me, even in this time, she can't be mad at you for being jealous, because I remember a time where she had the exact same feeling about a cowboy and his little secret." Glenn winked at me, I knew he was talking about me and Enid, "I just don't want to start an unnecessary fight." I looked up to him. "Then don't Carl, you have nothing to worry about." Glenn spoke before standing up and grabbing Judith. "It's getting late kid, I'm gonna go drop her off upstairs and then head home. But Carl, go talk to her." Glenn smiled before walking up the stairs and leaving Judith in her crib. Before he left I went upstairs and caught him before I went into my room. He gave me a nod before going downstairs and leaving. I opened the door and crawled into bed wrapping my arm around Dezzy's body, but quickly realized it was just a few pillows stuffed under the blankets. I looked at the window that had now been wide open. I ran over to it and looked outside and down both streets. "Shit!" I spoke quietly before running downstairs and out of the house. "Dezzy!" I yelled while running down the street. "What's wrong?" Michonne had been walking home but stopped me quickly. "Dezzy, she left and I don't know where she went." I said catching my breath. "We'll find her. She wouldn't go over the wall, not alone and not this late." Michonne said while walking me back to the house. "She's a smart girl Carl, and if she isn't back in the morning we can go out and look for her." she spoke again while rubbing my back. Michonne was right, I just knew this whole thing was my fault.